Maximum Ride Spork: Part 2

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Aha, I’m actually continuing this! Here we go!

Chapter 1 opens with Max (I assume it’s Max, that is) monologuing about how imminent death snaps everything into perspective, and says how her arms getting scratched to ribbons (I don’t think scratches are strong enough to do that), her feet getting torn up by rocks, and her lungs aching for air don’t matter as long as she can put as much distance as possible between her and the Erasers.

Now, while I can understand the sentiment here (as long as she escapes the Erasers and doesn’t die immediately), getting your arms destroyed, feet battered, and lungs winded would kind of, you know, keep you from surviving afterwards. Just saying.

Max tells us about the Erasers (we learned about these guys two pages ago, for Pete’s sake!) again, and says she’s never been this far away from the School before. Then:

The unearthly baying of bloodhounds on the scent wailed through the trees, and I felt sick. I could outrun men–all of us could, even Angel, and she’s only six. But none of us could outrun a big dog. (Pg 6)

Two problems here: first, why are Max and her family able to outrun men? It’s implied that Max is just now escaping (since she says she’s never been this far away from the School before), so she’s been in a cage her whole life. Even if she somehow has extra running power (which she shouldn’t, as she’s only human and bird, and the bird DNA certainly wouldn’t help with running), she’s been in a cage and tested on her whole life, so she shouldn’t be able to outrun anyone, let alone half-wolves.

Second, why bother with half-wolves if you’re going to use dogs anyway? There’s just no point. It makes no sense.

Dogs, dogs go away, let me live another day. (pg 6)

And how does a kid who’s lived most of her life in a cage know this phrase, and not to mention have the clarity of mind to make a play off of it while running for her life? I just don’t understand.

Max keeps running and finds herself at a cliff. Oh noes! She halts for a moment, then dives off the cliff. But yey, she has wings and she flies away, “just like I’d [Max] always dreamed.” That implies she’s never flown before, and I dunno, I don’t think she’d be able to fly well the first time. Birds certainly can’t.

One of the Erasers points his gun at Max, but she swerves in front of the sun so he can’t see and then wakes up.

Max jolts upright in bed, and can’t help but check her nightgown for laser dots. Okay, so that was a dream. It’s not explained how much of that dream was fiction and how much was recollection of actual events, so I don’t know how many of the things I pointed out are made invalid. But whatever, moving on.

Max tells us that she and her family live in a cool (her words, not mine, though it does sound nice) house shaped like a sideways E up in the mountains. How she’s living in such a fancy, nice house (she rates it fifteen out of ten) without arising suspicion I don’t know.

Apparently Max and her family had lived with Jeb Batchelder, but two years ago he disappeared and Max and her family assume he’s dead. Not only is it not explained how he disappeared (that’s a kind of vague statement), but we also aren’t told how Max and her family can live in a house for two years without anyone knowing. I mean, someone’s gotta buy food and pay for electricity, right?

Apparently not.

Max says that if it wasn’t for the internet, “we [Max and her family] wouldn’t know nothin’.” Speaking from experience, I can sort of understand this, but at the same time… I’m not really buying it. A few years of internet doesn’t make up for a complete lack of education. So far, Max actually seems pretty normal, but even if she was educated via the internet she wouldn’t really act like a school kid. Plus, what happens when the internet goes out? I’d think that would happen, up in the mountains. And, you know, no adults, so this really just makes no sense.

Max rustles around in the kitchen a bit, and hears sleepy shuffling around her before someone says good morning.

Aaaand we cut to a new chapter. You know how long that chapter was? Two pages. Cut off the half page and we’re left with a one and a half page chapter–and this is a pretty small book, too, with normal sized font.

Ugh.

Oh, and what’s worse? There was no point to that chapter change. The next chapter continues just like normal, and does nothing but waste paper and break the flow.

Okay, I’m stopping now because this is getting pretty decent sized. Hopefully I’ll have the next sporking up within a week.

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