Happy Day After Valentine’s Day!

Standard

(Better known as Sit-Around-Eating-Discount-Chocolate-And-Wishing-You-Had-A-Boyfriend Day.)

I got a bag of those Dove chocolates. You know, the little square ones with Inspirational Quotes™ on the wrappers? I always picture the Inspirational Quotes™ being read aloud by some gorgeous female commercial star, the kind who sits around eating entire containers of ice cream with a dreamy look on her face.

Shut up, lady. Not all of us can eat chocolate all day and still have a perfect figure.

You have to wonder what they’re thinking with some of these quotes. They seem to assume anyone who eats Dove chocolate is single.

Because you're a lonely freak and nobody else will buy them for you.

And some of them are just plain bizarre.

A RITUALISTIC SACRIFICE TO APPEASE THE BLOOD GODS

Look, elevator music doesn’t even have words. Am I supposed to provide my own?

Pay no attention to the singing elevator chick.

Or I could just kill two birds with one stone, I guess.

Why am I doing this I don't believe in blood gods

…I have to be fair here. There is exactly one piece of chocolate advice I took.

Thank you, chocolate. What would I do without you.

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One response »

  1. Awwwww… Well I had nobody to give chocolates to this year, and I love giving chocolate on Valentine’s day, so let’s pretend I got to give them to you, and everyone “wins”, yes?

    Happy belated random person Valentine’s day!

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