Maximum Ride Spork: Part Twenty

Standard

Things that haven’t been answered:

1) Why it took four years for the Erasers to find the flock.

2) Why the Erasers are so ineffective at capturing the flock.

3) How the indents on the kids’ backs manage to hold their huge wingspans/how the indents don’t weaken their hearts and lungs, thus making it harder to fly.

4) How the kids can magically fly when they’re wearing shirts.

Yeah, not looking too good.

Chapter 74

So everyone starts flying, and Max is completely fine now because her head pain only exists when it’s convenient. While they’re flying Nudge has a one-sided conversation with Max about her parents, and Max then goes on about the cookies she and Ella and Ella’s mom made–only, it’s pretty much just telling us what the original scene said. It’s hard to tell if it’s just bad writing or JPatterson expecting his readers to be idiots.

Also, Max apparently tries not to swear too much because Angel might start repeating it. It’s not like Angel can read minds and hear Max swearing mentally (which is going to happen), except oh wait she can.

Chapter 75

And suddenly the flock are in New York. That’s right: we get absolutely nothing about the flock’s journey all the way across America. I am in awe at what amazing a storyteller James Patterson is. (For definitive clarity, that sentence was sarcasm.)

Oh, and they’re all flying in the air over New York–right near Central Park, in fact. Because nobody’s gonna see them doing that.

They decide to watch a concert going on, which is by some band I have never heard of but the flock like them so whatever. And… Iggy has a lighter? It’s mentioned as if it’s just a thing he has, which is weird since there hasn’t yet been a mention of him having a lighter. They all stay at the fringes of the crowd because of claustrophobia and all that stuff.

So now it’s past the concert and the flock are all in trees to go to sleep (because people totally can’t fall out of trees while they’re sleeping) and we learn that Iggy practices echolocation.

Now, interestingly enough, this is a real technique some blind people use, and was actually featured decently prominently in the Underland Chronicles book series (though, to my knowledge, in an exaggerated fashion). And you know what? Learning it takes time, because humans aren’t specifically designed to do it.

So anyone want to tell me when Iggy learned echolocation?

Chapter 76

Now it’s the next morning, and nobody’s sore because trees totally aren’t hard or anything and sleeping on your stomachs (on account of the wings) totally isn’t difficult or uncomfortable to do in trees.

Max, Angel, and Iggy go off to buy honey-roasted peanuts (with money that they just… have) and then oh no! A clown gets eye contact with a sleek looking guy and we all know sleek guys are evil, so something terrible is going on!

And again we get told that the flock can run faster than grown men (one, WE KNOW THIS, two, WHY) and there’s this dramatic chase that loses its dramaticness when you take into account that the flock run by people who they could ask for help, and then there are like eight people chasing the flock and bleh.

Chapter 77

Iggy swerves the flock into a crowd that’s totally not claustrophobic for the flock because that only exists when necessary, and with that the one-page chase scene is over.

Maybe if JPatterson actually followed through with these “action” scenes they’d be interesting, but every single one gets diffused after a couple of pages and it’s BORING.

But now they’re in a zoo so yay!

Chapter 78

I find this incredibly funny because Max is telling us how WOW they’ve never seen any of this stuff in real life! And the whole point of this brief monologue seems to be to make sure we know the  flock aren’t normal kids, except everything in the way they’re written is how someone would write normal kids.

Also, Max describes the flock’s wings as “retractable.” I dunno, I really don’t think wings work that way.

And this zoo is also “flashback city” for Max, but we don’t get to see these flashbacks or get any mention of them out of a brief bit of dialogue. So.

Chapter 79

Blah blah blah, apparently the Erasers (because of course they were Erasers) who were chasing the flock are new models, which are called “this year’s model” because a bunch of bird kids are totally on top of a secret organization’s experiments.

Then we get treated to a bit that reads like thinly-disguised advertisements for New York city (OMG so much stuff in so close proximity and it’s just so amazing!), and Max gets cookies which is a scene summed up in about three short sentences. Which, while weird writing, is at least not boring.

Chapter 80

Blah blah blah they go to a library. The New York Public Library of Humanities and Social Sciences, in fact, because of course.

Chapter 81

The flock take an elevator and it’s really frightening and everything.

So elevators and concert crowd are frightening, but a crowd going into a zoo isn’t.

I just.

Anyway, Max and Fang search for a bit on the library computers but find nothing so they leave.

Chapter 82

The flock decide to take the subway back to Central Park, but apparently this station is empty and they’re free to jump onto the tracks when they hear voices and see light.

Chapter 83

They continue down the tracks and have to lean up against the walls when a train passes. And all this time I’m wondering why they’re heading down these tracks. I assume it’s because the plot demands it.

And then they find a hidden group of homeless people living in a large room… place… thingy that doesn’t get nearly enough description. Does anyone know if these kinds of places actually exist?

Anyway, the flock decide to sleep there because of some reason.

Chapter 84

I’ve summed up ten chapters in less than nine hundred words–and that’s with commentary. Just sayin’.

Then Max gets a “brain explosion” while she’s sleeping, and we get treated to another use of “jackknife.” I’m unsure such a specific word should be used twice in about 20,000 words.

Blah blah blah, Max is in pain and Fang is trying to comfort her or something and then Max hears a voice saying some nonsense.

Chapter 85

So the voice belongs to a kid who’s angry at Max for messing with his computer, and then she looks at it and it’s flashing the same images she got during her attacks (these images that weren’t important enough to be described, and yet are distinct enough to be recognized?). Shock horror or something.

And thus ends this part. Making it a 60 page (less with all the blank space from chapter breaks) part of a book. Brilliant work, JPatterson.

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