As far as I can tell, I am the first person to ever spork this book.
I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.
We start with part one of the book, titled “No Parents, No School, No Rules.” I’m honestly kind of confused as to why these books even need parts.
(And no, you don’t get an introduction from me because I’m no good at them.)
Sweeping, swooping, soaring, air current thrill rides–there’s nothing better. For miles around, we were the only things in the infinite, wide-open, clear blue sky. You want an adrenaline rush? Try tucking your wings in, dive-bombing for about a mile straight down, then woosh! Wings out, grab an air current like a piut bull, and hang on for the ride of your life. God, nothing is better, more fun, more exciting. (pg 3)
Gee, Max, thank you for telling us about this exciting activity in such a boring way.
Okay, we were mutant freaks, we were on the lam, but man, flying–well, there’s a reason people always dream about it.
He [Gazzy] cackled, several wingspans away from me. There’s nothing like an eight-year-old’s sense of humor. (pg 3)
Max, you can’t have it both ways. Either you’re normal kids with normal senses of humor, or you’re mutant freaks. Pick one.
Also, apparently Max still has a “healing bullet wound,” I’m assuming from way back when she got shot at the beginning of book one. Funnily enough, she includes it in a list of bad things, even though this is the first time it’s been mentioned since Max ditched Ella and Ella’s mom so it’s obviously not that important.
And I’m not even off page two.
Aha, another pointless chapter break! This one actually interrupts exposition, making it extra clunky. There’s really nothing of note in this chapter, so…
This chapter is in third person.
Following an Eraser.
Keep in mind that the first book was introduced as a true story being narrated by Max.
Oh, and the Eraser’s Ari (back from the dead, apparently) because of course it is.
Since we’d never been to school, most of what we’d learned was from television or the Internet. (pg 10)
And yet you still know so much!
Then there are flying Erasers and aaah.
Five chapters in twelve pages. This must be a new record.
Blah blah blah fight scene.
I’d just like to stop for a moment and point out how silly Erasers are.
I mean, just think. What is the point of having wolfmen in the age of guns and tranquilizer darts? It makes no sense–all it does it make them more conspicuous. And when you add wings, well, why? Especially since it just seems to be for the purpose of capturing the flock. Just shoot them without unnecessary confrontation!
For that matter, the Erasers are a very cumbersome method of security. Why would an evil company doing genetic experiments make all of its security guards be able to grow claws and become furrier? Wouldn’t that be awfully expensive and, well, silly?
Oh, wait, sorry, that’s logic. Maximum Ride knows no logic.
Panting, I ducked as an Eraser swung a black-booted foot at my side, catching me in the ribs but not too hard. (pg 14)
Good thing your bones aren’t hollow and weak oh wait.
Fight scene, whatever, Angel’s using her mind control to make Erasers drop into the ocean (real nice, Angel! You’re totally a sweet and innocent little girl who I care about!), and Iggy has bombs. Which can best be summed up using a passage from the book:
And how did Iggy manage to stash his seemingly endless supply of explosives on his person without my even having a clue? (pg 15)
Not to mention that they weren’t there in the last book, and this is supposedly just twenty-four hours later. So… yay for random explosives?
“You… are… a… fridge… with wings,” Fang ground out, punching an Eraser hard with every word. “We’re… freaking… ballet… dancers.” (pg 16)
Oh, and Ari’s there. Presumably with wings, never mind how horribly impossible that is. But then he’s gone because the Erasers got beat because they tried to manually beat up a bunch of bird kids instead of, you know, shooting them.
Blah blah blah Max is asking Angel about the minds of the Erasers.
“You mean besides dead Ari showing up?” Gazzy said, sounding bummed. (pg 18)
Something I’ve learned about adverbs in dialogue tags: they rarely do any good. When I try to sound out what this is saying, Gazzy just sounds mopey and depressed, and overall the flow is ruined because I’m trying to pick out how this is being said.
So, a tip: let the dialogue stand on its own. More often than not that’s enough.
Anyway, Angel’s mind-reading continues to be nonsensical, and apparently has no set rules (hence her not knowing when Erasers are coming), and then Fang is hurt and he’s falling out of the sky oh no!
Fang is really hurt and bleeding badly and he apparently didn’t see fit to let people know he was hurt because reasons and Nudge has an extra shirt from somewhere that they use to bandage the wound. And then there’s a man and he calls 911 and we know this because Max is omniscient.
Max is telling the three younger members of the flock to go but they refuse, and then paramedics are there, and then:
“Goveryou,” I said tightly, using a secret language that went back to when were were kept in a lab. It was used in cases of extreme emergency when we didn’t want anyone to understand us. (pg 24)
What kind of cases of emergency are these? And how did they work out this secret language without being heard? And why do you need a secret language when you’re growing up in a lab? And how come this language was never mentioned before?
Oh, wait, there’s that logic again.
So now everyone’s going to the hospital!