Maximum Ride: School’s Out–Forever Spork Part 3

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You know, I just realized something: Max was awfully calm about the whole “oh no I killed Ari but now he’s alive!” thing. I mean, there really wasn’t any reaction when he showed up alive, and she wasn’t very broken up about killing somebody.

But that’s just how this book rolls.

Chapter 17

“The girls can have the bed,” Gazzy said. “Iggy and I can sleep on the floor.”

“Excuse me, sexist piglet?” I said, raising my eyebrows. “How about the two smallest people share the bed ’cause they’ll fit. That would be you and Angel. (pg 49)

That’s very bold of you, Max, given this little gem from book one:

Okay, maybe I’m paranoid, danger everywhere, but I could swear the bigger kids looked really threatening.

The bigger kids were boys. The smaller kid in the middle was a girl.

Coincidence? I think not.

Don’t even get me started about the whole Y chromosome thing. I live with three guys, remember? They’re three of the good ones, and they’re still obnocious as all get-out. (pg 61, Maximum Ride: The Angel Experiment)

Even discounting the fact that the three boys Maximum Ride lives with are the only three boys she’s ever met (with the exception of Jeb and Ari, who for the purposes of this don’t really count), it could be argued that “of course it was the boys picking on the girl” is more sexist than “girls are frailer and deserve the bed,” because at least the second has (misguided and incorrect) good intentions, whereas the first is just mean.

So.

Oh, and apparently the kids are sleeping in Fang’s hospital room, in the other bed that’s conveniently empty. I’ll give this one a pass, given the special circumstances behind it (in regards to them sleeping there).

Blah blah blah Max can’t sleep and then she sees her reflection in a mirror, which is an Eraser. Le gasp!

Chapter 18

Had I just discovered a new “skill,” like Angel reading minds, Gazzy able to imitate any voice, Iggy identifying people by feeling their fingerprints?” (pg 53)

Wait, what? Since when can Iggy do that?

…Is JPatterson trying to retcon?

Then the voice (which is capitalized in the book, but I refuse to do so) tells Max some cryptic stuff and she goes to bed.

Chapter 19

So Fang’s wounds have healed overnight because of bird DNA and now the FBI woman, Anne Walker, is trying to convince everyone to come live at her house. Though now I’m vaguely curious why a four-year-old has a house.

“I need to get out of here,” he [Fang] said between bites. “The hospital smells alone are making me crawl the walls.”

I knew what he meant. We all had the same reaction: Anything antiseptic-smelling, hospitally, science labby, brought back years’ worth of bad memories. (pg 57)

Yay for informed distress!

Anyway, everyone agrees to go to Anne’s house.

Chapter 20

Anne’s house is beautiful because of course it is.

Chapter 21

Another chapter from Ari’s perspective, in which he is watching the flock for some unknown reason.

Chapter 22

Here we begin part 2, titled “Paradise or Prison?”

Still waiting on why these parts are necessary.

Also, Anne has a horse named Sugar because of course she does.

Chapter 23

Anne also has all kinds of other farm animals, because a single woman working in the FBI and living alone definitely has the time, resources, and money to handle all of that.

Chapter 24

The flock are trying to work out the papers they got from the Institute, on account of them being largely in code, but they get nowhere.

Also Max has weird jealousy that Anne is helping to take care of the flock.

Chapter 25

Apparently Anne just has simple, small breakfasts, but since that won’t work for the flock Max and Iggy cook all kinds of eggs and bacon and toast that Anne totally has on hand because she eats that all the time.

*Sigh*

Then, two weeks after going to live with Anne (!), Fang finds that the papers are coordinates!

Chapter 26

Fang and Max begin checking out the coordinates, but their first stop gets them nothing. The second is an abandoned apartment building, which they begin to explore.

Chapter 27

After two hours of looking about, Max finds a picture of a woman with baby Gazzy.

Chapter 28

Getting really fed up with all the chapter breaks, here.

Anyway, two squatters living in the apartment building come after Fang and Max, but are deterred when Fang and Max show off their wings.

I’m bored. Is anyone else bored?

Chapter 29

After taking a shower (back at the house, I assume), Max sees her Eraser reflection and then it talks to her.

Chapter 30

Max is in her bedroom, moping, and then Fang comes in and comforts her. Max then has him promise to kill her if she becomes an Eraser, because apparently gaining the ability to turn wolf-like makes people evil or something.

Chapter 31

Max is now doing research (don’t ask me on what, because I don’t know) while the rest of the flock swims in a lake, and Gazzy is somehow able to fly up in the air to cannonball into the water despite the fact that his wings would be wet, which would add extra weight, which I’d think would significantly hinder his flying ability.

I might be wrong, though.

Oh, and the dog they got at the end of book one, Total, can talk. Because of course he can.

Honestly, I think that rationale explains everything in these books. Things happen because of course they do!

Chapter 32

Nobody can sleep so they all go flying and it’s boring.

Chapter 33

So they’re flying and there are bats and then

The flock and I could keep up a steady pace of eighty miles an hour with no effort, and could sprint at a hundred and twenty. Dive-bombing, we’d hit speeds of a hundred and eighty.

I was going way faster than that now, straight out, by myself. (pg 97)

NO.

NO.

NO, NO, NO, NO.

THIS BREAKS EVERY LAW OF EVERYTHING THAT MAKES ANY OUNCE OF SENSE.

I JUST.

I–

God, how I want to scream at this book right now.

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3 responses »

  1. Gazzy is just trying to be a gentleman and Max scolds him for it. If Max wants to see sexist she oughtta go to certain parts of the world where the only time a woman can sleep in a bed is when her husband wants to have sex. Heck if Max really wants to see a sexist all she needs is a mirror!

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