Maximum Ride: School’s Out–Forever Spork Part 5

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Chapter 36

The address turns out to be a barber shop, or in other words nothing important. Also Total pees on a fire hydrant because every dog in fiction must do that at least once.

Chapter 37

The next address, connected to Iggy, is also a dud and so Iggy goes on a crazy tirade because feelings! See, he’s all torn up over not finding his parents or… something, and is also scared that the flock will die and he’ll be left without eyes? Pay no mind to the fact that the most his blindness ever does is keep him from seeing facial expressions.

Then he accidentally sets off an alarm, but because he’s just so angry and sad he doesn’t want to escape. Max, however, has magical powers of persuasion and love and so she convinces him to come with them.

Now, who wants to bet that we’ll never hear of this angst again?

Chapter 38

The flock are back at Anne’s house, eating dinner, and I’m kind of confused about what’s going on with the FBI. It’s been maybe three weeks now since the oh noes Fang got hurt! incident, and yet absolutely nothing has developed on the “the government knows about the bird kids” front. It’s like… the flock are just living with Anne, no big deal.

I find it all quite dubious.

Oh, and to add to the no wai developments, Anne has enrolled the flock in school.

Because when the FBI find kids with working wings, they send them to live with a random agent for the better part of the month and then send them to school.

Chapter 39

Max goes off with her special flying (which she estimates at 200-240 miles per hour) because of feelings, Fang mentions Botswana because he knows that’s a country, and then he gives Max a speech about how Anne will never replace Max.

Chapter 40

This is also part 3, “Back to School (The Normal Kind).” Because remember, the flock were raised in cages!

You know how some kids get excited about the first day of school and have an outfit all picked out and a new lunchbox and stuff? (pg 119)

I’d find it reasonable that that would happen, but I have no first-hand or second-hand experience with this, no.

Well, they’re bleeping idiots. (pg 119)

How nice of you, Max.

We also get told once again how the flock’s wings fold up so well and hide nearly perfectly, and I’m still not buying it.

Chapter 41

The ride to school was short and silent–much as I imagine riding in a hearse would be. (pg 122)

What.

Chapter 42

We’re back with Ari, who has someone referred to as “Max II” with him.

I’m assuming this is a clone, which seems spectacularly stupid to me. I can only hope she’ll be utilized in a sensical way.

Chapter 43

So, quick question time: is it typical for high schools, middle schools, and elementary schools to all be grouped in one building? Because as far as I can tell, the flock would require all three, and they’re all headed to the same building. Maybe there’s some intricacy of the school system I’m missing?

Slowly the flock are being taken off to their classes by teachers and then Max gets taken away and the chapter ends.

Chapter 44

Angel is assumedly (IS TOO A WORD, FIREFOX) using her mind-reading powers to excel at school, while Nudge has changed her fake name from Krystal to Tiffany-Krystal because reasons. Meanwhile, Fang is talking to a girl who is “shorter than Max,” which is a really brilliant description since we don’t know how tall Max is. She’s also flirting with him because that is what happens at school. Gazzy, on the other hand, is getting into a spat with a “larger kid” over asking to see when a kid said he could fly, causing the kid to jump off playground equipment and get hurt.

Then there’s Max, who has apparently become friends with a girl named J.J. after talking off-screen for half an hour.

Chapter 45

Max is getting live-tutoring from the Voice, despite the fact that she had previously told Angel not to mind read to get information from the teachers. So, add hypocrisy to Max’s list of character traits.

Then she gets called in to the headmaster’s office, and Iggy and Gazzy are there.

Chapter 46

The headmaster is an ugly person and so Max hates him instantly. (Well, it’s not put quite like that, but as far as I can tell that’s the gist of it.) According to the headmaster, Gazzy and Iggy set off a stink bomb, but according to Max they couldn’t have (due to lies on her part).

Funnily enough, the headmaster doesn’t seem like a particularly nice person (spouting off cliche school-villain things like “all kids lie until we get to them!”), but considering he seems to be telling the truth, and Max actually is lying… I side with the headmaster.

Chapter 47

Now on the way back from school, the flock (minus Max) are all laughing at the headmaster and my hatred for them grows tenfold. Max does berate Gazzy and Iggy for the stink bomb, at least.

Chapter 48

Actually, nothing of note (as per my recap style) happens in this chapter. It doesn’t help that the actual text of it only fits one page.

Chapter 49

Angel mind-controls her teacher to let her class play in a bigger playground, and then:

After Max saved the world, most of the regular people would be gone. Jeb had told Angel so, when she’d been at the School again, last month. Mutants like them had a greater chance of surviving. They’d been designed to survive. So maybe when most of the regular people were gone, Angel wouldn’t have to hide her wings anymore, and she could just fly around and be Odette [character from Swan Lake, which Angel is make-believe playing] anytime she wanted to.

She could hardly wait. (pg 143)

Am I supposed to like Angel? Because this really doesn’t make me like her. This actually sounds like the beginning of a horror novel.

Chapter 50

Max is in the library, waiting for a computer, when

“You’re new,” the guy said. “You’re in my Language Arts class.”

“Yeah,” I said. I’d recognized him–years of paranoia had honed my ability to remember faces. (pg 144)

Um, Max, you lived in a cage and then all alone in the mountains. Whose faces were you remembering?

He gave me a warm smile, and I blinked, realizing he was cute. I’d never really had the luxury of noticing cuteness or lack thereof in guys. (pg 145)

Oh god, I have a horrible sensation of where this is going…

Max also mentions she doesn’t know what Christmas money is, then mentions how she feels like a Vulcan. I mean.

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6 responses »

  1. … How does anyone consider this book/series to be good? It’s like a collection of the structures linguistically) of stereotypical things teens would say, but with nonsensical components. Like feeling like a Vulcan…ok, a teen might complain about feeling like an outsider of some sort, but then JPat uses “Vulcans” s the item of comparison… Wtf? “Allen”, maybe, but not “Vulcan”.

    He was born in 1947, this book came out in 2006, meaning he was 60ish when he wrote it, and it doesn’t seem like he actually observed any real teens’ behaviours or conversations as research. He just wrote what he assumes they’d say, with bizarre details.

    Also, I have never heard of an all-in-one school unless it is some small private school, and even then it is rare. The most one will find is 7th through 12th grade at the same school, but usually it’s K-5th/6th, 6th/7th-8th/9th, then high school (9th/10th through 12th).

    Worst part: supposedly the first three books of this series have a movie/movies due in 2013.

    *sigh*

    • If Max was familiar with vulcans, her using the term might actually be in line with her *not* being a normal kid, but since JPatterson tries to have her be normal it’s not a working excuse. The point I was trying to make, however, was that she doesn’t know what Christmas money is but does know vulcans; it’s pretty telling of her overall pop culture inconsistency.

  2. I’ve never heard of all school years being grouped together, either, unless it was a private school, and even then, it would only be Year 7 to Year 13, as far as I know.

    Yeah, I never particularly warmed to Angel, either. She’s really creepy and un-6 year old like. XD

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