Maximum Ride: School’s Out–Forever Spork Part 6

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Chapter 51

Max is now doing research on a couple of words Fang found in the files, “ter Borcht,” which turns out to be a crazy scientist. After noticing the headmaster being the cartoonish villain he is, she slips out of the library.

Chapter 52

Max goes to find Fang, finds him kissing a girl, and goes crazy and hides in the girls’ bathroom.

Chapter 53

We’re back with Ari, who is in a van with a bunch of Erasers. He drives the van up to the flock, who are walking home from school, and the Erasers pour out to attack.

Because turning into wolfmen and clawing at bird kids is so much smarter than shooting them from afar.

Chapter 54

Blah blah blah fight scene. The flock win, of course, because a bunch of kids with hollow bones are capable of taking on adults designed to kill them. Then again, these are the Erasers we’re talking about… I still blame JPatterson, though, for making these idiotic villains in the first place.

Chapter 55

Anne doesn’t know what Erasers are when the flock get back, so Max tells her using latin terms she conveniently knows.

(There’s another word that describes these books: convenient. Everything always works out so conveniently and easily.)

Chapter 56

It’s bedtime, and Total is complaining about it being cold. Given that this is the second time he’s mentioned being cold, I’m assuming this is foreshadowing. What idiocy is coming up, I don’t know, but there will be something.

Also Angel read Ari’s mind and found that he loves Max a lot.

Chapter 57

Max is conversing with Fang and then shoves him because kissing!

I was mortified–not only because I was attacking my best friend, but because I’d sounded like a jealous idiot. Which I wasn’t. At all. (pg 162)

You say that, and yet your actions and thoughts tell me the opposite.

Oh and Fang has started a blog. Don’t ask me, because it’s brought up just as randomly in the book as it is here.

Chapter 58

Woo, one-page chapter time! We’re with the Max clone, who’s speaking some random stuff to herself.

Chapter 59

Field trip time! (To Washington D.C., no less.) And Iggy is being talked to by a girl and it seems to be romantic foreshadowing because this is school and everyone gets a love interest!

I mean, at least the first book had the guise of excitement, but this one’s just school and random research and romantic drama. *Yawn*

And then there’s this:

“Sounds cool,” said Angel. Maybe she would ask Anne to bring them there [a museum]. Maybe she should just get her teacher to think of detouring there today. No, maybe not. If Max found out, she would be mad. Angel patted Celeste [her stuffed bear, in case you don’t remember], tucked into the waistband of her plaid school skirt, and decided to just go with the program. For now. (pg 167)

Creepiness level: off the charts.

Chapter 60

If you’re ever feeling a lack of middle-aged white men, just pop into the Capitol. Not so much the House of Representatives, which has a bit more color and texture, but the Senate–jeez. Yes, let’s have more testosterone running the country. (pg 168)

I…

God, Max, can you stop talking about random things you should have no knowledge of?!

The Vietnman Wall was awful. A huge, smooth black granite monolith covered with names of people who died in a war. Very depressing. I saw Nudge make the mistake of touching the Wall. She almost doubled over–her ability to sense people and emotions through leftover vibrations must have been mind-blowing here. A couple of her new friends put their arms around her, and I saw one pull out a tissue. I would talk to her about it later. (pg 168-169)

Oh look, nearly a hundred and seventy pages later and Nudge’s power finally gets its second mention!

And you know, maybe it’s just me, but wouldn’t stuff like this be affecting Nudge a whole lot? I’d think we’d get some mention of how hard it is for her to not be able to touch anything without knowing its history… but nope, this is Maximum Ride! Don’t bother with interesting repercussions, because idiotic villains and boring “action” scenes!

Well. It [the White House] is one big, fancy hacienda, let me tell you. Not a castle. Not as froufrou as the Taj Mahal or Graceland. But still mucho impressive. (pg 169)

Where did Max get the word hacienda from? How about froufrou? Where did she learn about the Taj Mahal or Graceland? When did she incorporate “mucho” into her vocabulary?

I swear, Max can’t let a page go by without making me question her word choice.

“Wasn’t this great?” Nudge asked excitedly. “I can’t believe we’re in the White House! I want to be president someday.” (pg 170)

It’s like JPatterson is running through a checklist kids’ book cliches or something.

Then Angel is not there but it’s okay because she comes back with the president.

GAH. I MEAN.

WHYYYYYYY.

Chapter 61

“Zoom in.” Jeb leaned closer to the black-and-white monitor. (pg 174)

Enhance! Zoom! Enhance more! Awesome, we got our killer!

…Sorry, what?

Anyway, Ari wants to kill Max because he is jealous of the attention she gets from Jeb; nothing new, really, just JPatterson reinforcing Ari’s motivation for the umpteenth time.

Chapter 62

Nudge gives a theory about the files’ code (that it corresponds to specific words in the Bible), but nope. Max has also checked out Fang’s blog off screen, and apparently he has good poetry.

*Sigh*

Chapter 63

Gazzy and Iggy are down in the school’s basement when the headmaster comes down, telling a teacher to hide some files. And then oh noes Gazzy and Iggy are leaving but are somehow trapped! (Apparently with people on both sides, even though there’s only one direction I can figure out there being people from.)

Chapter 64

Max is researching with Nudge when the headmaster comes over and starts questioning them because lurking around in the library is the best use of his time, when there’s an explosion.

Chapter 65

The headmaster is yelling at the kids because according to him Gazzy and Iggy caused the explosion, but then Anne comes in and calms down the headmaster, though we aren’t told how (just a sentence saying she did, I’m assuming because JPatterson couldn’t be bothered to write something mildly difficult) and takes the kids away.

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2 responses »

  1. Once again the erasers try to be Power Ranger mooks but fail. At least the mooks in PR were enough of a threat that the Power Rangers had to change into power suits to defeat them. In these books they become weaker and dumber by the second! If they were actually powerful I wouldn’t be surprised if the flock gained the power to morph into rangers.

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