Maximum Ride: School’s Out–Forever Spork Part 8

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Chapter 78

The flock all gather in a cave home to bats some ways away from Anne’s house, at which point Max suggests they move on (i.e. leave Anne’s care). Nudge, however, does not like this because Thanksgiving is coming up and she wants to be at a proper home for Thanksgiving because of dinner. Max, of course, agrees to staying for Thanksgiving.

Chapter 79

It’s almost time for Thanksgiving dinner and Anne is freaking out over the cooking because that is her character or something.

Chapter 80

Thanksgiving dinner yay!

Also Anne wants to officially adopt the flock.

Chapter 81

The flock are now going to meet Iggy’s parents, and once again Iggy’s mom answers the door:

“Uh, hello… ma’am,” I  began, in that smooth handle-everything manner I have. “I saw you on TV, where you said you’d lost your son?”

A look of sadness crossed her face. “Yes?”

I stepped back so she could see Iggy. “I think this is him.”

Okay, so I’m not known for subtlety.

For a second the woman frowned, about to get angry at me for yanking her chain, but then she looked at Iggy and her frown changed to a look of puzzlement. (pg 232)

The omniscient narrator strikes again!

So they go into Iggy’s parents’ house and his parents use a birthmark he has (that, to my memory, was conveniently never mentioned until now) to identify him.

Chapter 82

Internal monologue about feelings about Iggy.

Chapter 83

The flock, minus Iggy, are now back with Anne, much to her distress.

Chapter 84

We’re now with Ari, who apparently has a voice in his head similar to Max’s, as he’s preparing for an Eraser attack on the flock. He is at first planning to kill Max, but then for some reason decides to kidnap her and make her his friend instead.

You know, just a complete 180 on his entire characterization so far, no big deal.

Chapter 85

Max is at school as Iggy is being reported as missing by the headmaster, and then she heads into the teacher’s lounge for… some reason, at which point the teachers pull out some Tasers. (By the way, is capitalizing that correct? The book did it, so I’m just following suit, but it seems not quite right to me.)

Chapter 86

In classic bad-book style, it turns out that the headmaster is on the side of the eeeeevil Taser teachers.

Tangent time: this is actually a quite common trope among less experienced writers (often evident in fan fiction), in which everyone who dislikes the hero is undoubtedly a horrible person, quite likely in league with some higher villainy. They also have a tendency to be humiliated by the end of the story.

Now, what is this amateur trope doing in a novel written by James Patterson, who should be far from an amateur?

Seriously, does anyone know? I can’t fathom a reason for such atrocity from someone who’s written so much (and supposedly written some good books at that).

Aaaanyway, Max ends up racing down the halls yelling for the flock to get out of there.

Chapter 87

Max is getting out of the school when the headmaster’s car comes at her, so…

I rain straight at the car and, right before it crashed into me, I jumped into the air. As my wings gathered wind beneath them, I kicked hard, shattering the headhunter’s windshield.(pg 250)

Um, even discounting the fact that Max would never be powerful enough to shatter a windshield, well, windshields (at least modern ones) don’t shatter. Period.

The flock escapes just as Ari arrives, blah blah blah.

Chapter 88

The flock go back to Anne’s house for Total, Ari somehow managing to arrive just after them (despite their ninety MPH flight speeds). Total’s outside, being chased by an Eraser in typical cartoon fashion, and then he does a super jump (twenty or thirty feet, because dogs can do that) and ends up in Angel’s arms.

Chapter 89

The flock are hovering around the house, watching Anne interact with Jeb and Ari, when Iggy shows up!

Chapter 90

“Oh no–Iggy. What happened?”

“Well,” he said, his face grim, “they didn’t mind the wings. In fact, they loved the wings. Especially since they got eight different publishers and magazines into a bidding war for the all-exclusive rights to my life story, complete with photographs and interviews with the freak himself.” His voice was indescribably bitter. (pg 257)

Well, I wouldn’t want you to strain your narrative ability, Max.

But seriously. What was the point of all this? Oh, parent finding subplot that ends up with nothing and will probably be forgotten within ten pages! All it did was pad out of the story.

That’s all this book is, really: filler. Nothing of note or importance has happened, and we’re over halfway through. I can’t even muster anger because it’s just boring.

Meanwhile, Anne is still arguing with Jeb, so Max heads down.

Chapter 91

I shot toward the ground at two hundred miles an hour. It was a total rush, over in a split second, and then I was braking, snapping my wings out to catch the air. (pg 259)

I’m really not buying that these wings added onto a human body can bring that body to a stop from a 200 MPH drop without at the very least great pain. At worst, her wings might snap right off (I’d think, at least–I’m no expert).

Also it turns out Anne is Jeb’s boss because of course she is.

Chapter 92

Maybe, deep down inside, I had known. Maybe that was why I had never been able to trust Anne, to relax. Or maybe that had just been my total paranoia coming in handy again. (pg 262)

Either way, it’s awfully convenient, don’t you think?

Blah blah blah, Max leaves and tells us she has a thirteen foot wingspan.

Because wings that size could totally be able to fold into her back.

Chapter 93

So Max and the flock are flying through the forest (with a goal of the bat cave, where Max had put supplies for the flock) with her thirteen foot wingspan (managing to harm herself no worse than having a couple feathers torn out). She briefly ends up talking with Ari about things that aren’t important, and then she heads off again.

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8 responses »

  1. Taser is not capitalized unless at the beginning of a sentence or it is someone’s name.

    With the eraser chasing the dog I’m surprised pies and banana peels weren’t thrown around.

    Max going into the teacher’s lounge for no reason makes no sense. At least in the graphic novel she did so to avoid getting into a fight with the headmaster. Even then it is never explained why the teachers attacked.

    Coming to a sudden stop/landing the way Max does is indeed impossible. Birds never do this. After a fast dive they swerve upwards. In Max’s case (with her landing immediately on the ground after a 200mph dive) her legs should be shattered and she’d end up on MTV’s Scarred assuming she survives the said landing.

    This series is filled with what the Nostalgia Critic calls “big lipped alligator moments.” Iggy’s short lived reunion with his parents might as well not have been mentioned at all! BTW how does BLIND Iggy find his way back to the flock who are at this time in the air above Anne’s house and he is miles away at his parents’? Even with echolocation I doubt it would’ve been possible for him to locate them.

    • “Taser is not capitalized unless at the beginning of a sentence or it is someone’s name.”

      Ah, grammar.

      “At least in the graphic novel she did so to avoid getting into a fight with the headmaster.”

      In the book, she has some flimsy rationale about the headmaster being there and so she goes in a different direction and then the teacher’s lounge is there, so there’s at least *some,* but I thought it was so random and not believable that it counted as none. (Unless you’re agreeing with me, having read the books.)

      “BTW how does BLIND Iggy find his way back to the flock who are at this time in the air above Anne’s house and he is miles away at his parents’? Even with echolocation I doubt it would’ve been possible for him to locate them.”

      Because book says so. What book says is book does is somehow in-universe sense make.

      • I haven’t come upon a copy of Max Ride novels beyond the 1st at the library, only the graphic novels. At least with those they have great artwork and it cuts out much of the silliness (esp. cuts out much of Max’s snark) but it still has some of the silliness such as blind Iggy doing the impossible and the useless erasers.

  2. Regarding the word “Taser”, it IS capitalized due to it being a BRAND, not just a type of product. There are laws which say if a brand name becomes a colloquialism for that product, regulars of the brand, the copyright to the name can be lost – this is why Xerox was big on using the term “photocopy” and Kleenex pushed “tissues”. I don’t know how it currently stands regarding Taser, but last I heard, it’s still a brand, and is capitalized.

    So JPat got it correct, whoever said don’t capitalize learned something new ;)

  3. Dammit, have to re-do reply. Taser IS capitalized since it is a brand. There are laws which say if a brand becomes colloquially synonymous with the thing it is (Kleenex = tissues, Xerox = photocopy), the copyright on the name can be lost. However, as far as I know, this hasn’t happened with Taser yet, so it is always capitalized.

      • Whoops. *sigh* It originally said it didn’t. Sorry about that.

        So yeah. Tasers. What’s weird is that I have NEVER heard them called anything but Tasers. “Non-Lethal Device” doesn’t cover it, and I’ve never heard like.. “Neuro-electrical Arresting Device” or whatever, so… I mean it’s not the same as a Stun Gun (although it can be used as one), so I dunno what Taser expects to happen regarding its name. They’re gonna lose it, like Yo-Yos (originally was a brand, but the courts eventually said “too bad, they’re all called that now.”)

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