Maximum Ride: School’s Out–Forever Spork Part 11


(Sorry for the delay on this one–some non-internet stuff resulted in me not writing it till Tuesday, and then I managed to completely forget about it.)

Chapter 123

Hee hee, sequential numbers.

After the Erasers had taken the inferior Max away from the motel, I quickly lay down in her spot and pulled the blanket over me. I closed my eyes, positive I wouldn’t sleep a wink.

I was so hyped up–it was all finally happening. No way I would sleep. . . . Out with the old Max, in with the new and improved Max. All according to plan.

“Wagh!” I woke up flailing, dreaming that I was being sponged by aliens. (pg 355)

  1. Awfully great grammar, vocabulary, and eloquence from this presumably really young clone.
  2. Shouldn’t that be “I laid down”? Genuine question; I’m not a hundred percent sure either way.
  3. I don’t like the passage of time, or lack thereof, in this excerpt. As there is no break in the writing, there is nothing actually saying time passed, which means she got into bed and then woke up directly after without falling asleep. I suppose you could say that the passage of time can be inferred, but then it just plain reads awkwardly since you’re going from “awake” to “waking up” with nothing in between.

So anyway, fake Max, blah blah blah, she proceeds to be entirely conspicuous because DUH.

Chapter 124

Max freaks out for two pages because she’s in nothingness, and while it’s still Maximum Ride and thus boring it’s better than JPatterson usually bothers to write. On the third page, the voice tells Max she’s in a “sensory-deprivation chamber.”

Chapter 125

Basically every thought I’d ever had in my entire life, I had all over again, one after another in a rapid-fire succession. Every memory, every color, every taste, every sensation of any kind replayed itself in my fevered brain, endless loops of thought and memory and dream and hope, over and over, until I couldn’t tell what had been real and what had been wishful thinking and what had been a movie I’d seen or a book I’d read. (pgs 361-362)


(And don’t bother to tell me what any of those things are, because they definitely wouldn’t add to your character.)

So then the tank gets opened!

Chapter 126

Jeb gets Max out of the tank and has a bunch of meaningless talking with her before she gets put back in the tank.

Chapter 127

Fake Max goes on a brief monologue about how the flock suck, which surprisingly doesn’t seem to have any issues in its logic.

Anyway, she’s leading the flock into Itex.

Chapter 128

Max decides to fake dead and 1) manages to fake dead, because sure, and 2) I’m assuming will succeed, because the scientists obviously didn’t bother to have anything set up to check Max’s vitals.

Chapter 129

I see no need to go into a lot of boring detail, but we [fake Max and the flock] found our way to the Itex computer room.(pg 272)

Funny, because to me it seems more like JPatterson being lazy and not wanting to think how they’d get in than the details actually being boring.

And, say, why is fake Max’s narration in this book? In first person, no less? Is there supposed to be any pretense of this being real anymore? I mean, there was a real world Fang’s Blog and everything, and JPatterson just adds in a random first person villain perspective?

So, yeah. Fake Max and the flock are in the computer room, and Nudge is hacking the computer with her ability that exists only to hack computers.

Chapter 130

The scientists take Max out because sigh and then she escapes.

Chapter 131

Fake Max and Nudge are computering stuff, and Nudge finds a video of her parents being distraught and apparently the signatures on the consent forms for them to give away Nudge “looked exactly like Jeb Batchelder’s.”

So, he didn’t even try to do a forgery? Is this a real thing that could actually work? Because I feel like it shouldn’t.

Aaaand then Iggy says someone is coming because of super hearing or something.

Chapter 132

Max is raging against the scientists because aaagh! and all the other things they’d done to Max don’t compare to the fact that they put her in a tank. (And I swear, she actually says this in what as far as I can tell is seriousness. She even includes the whole “they kidnapped Angel!” thing.)

Chapter 133

And then Max gets attacked by snakes.

Is this supposed to be a real novel?

Chapter 134

So it seems that Fake Max’s plan was to get the flock into Itex, at which point they’d be attacked and subjected to their “worst fears.” (Which include spiders and rats–real complex characters you’ve got here, JPatterson! Fang’s in a cage, at least.) This is happening now.

I’m really not sure what the point of it is.

Chapter 135

Max can now follow the flock’s scent.

I am trying to think of something to say and I just fail. I just… I just can’t find a way to express what horrible writing this is.

So just think of the worst insult you can and pretend I’m saying it to JPatterson.

Max finds the flock and Fake Max.

Chapter 136

Apparently the worst fears thing was a holographic virtual-reality system.

JPatterson. Holograms are not corporeal. They are 3D images. Fang cannot be imprisoned in a holographic cage.

As if there was ever a pretense the flock might be fooled, Angel identifies fake Max as fake Max because mind reading.

Chapter 137

Fake Max attacks real Max while Jeb and some scientists look on, wanting one of them to kill the other. The flock don’t try to help real Max, though.

Chapter 138

Fight fight fight and then real Max wins and says nope! she won’t kill fake Max sorry.

Chapter 139

Um. Nothing of importance happens other than silly speeches about morals? (And also Max saying the scientists probably didn’t date enough in high school. Because all teenagers have to date. And because she dates. (Oh wait she does because even crazy bird kids have to date or oh my god what are you some kinda weird person who doesn’t date?))

Chapter 140

Explosion, courtesy of Gazzy!

Chapter 150

And then everyone escapes.


Chapter 142

No, I don’t think it makes any sense either.

Blah blah blah happiness.

And then the book ends.


As with between The Angel Experiment and this book, expect some delay until I get my hands on the next one. Also expect some heavy retconning on JPatterson’s part when we get there.


10 responses »

  1. At least the graphic novel cuts the silliness out with the snakes and holograms. Unless those clumsy erasers studies ninjutsu I doubt they could capture Max without being caught in the act, esp. since the flock and Max can hear each other over distances and yet can’t hear them in close range.

  2. Young Adult books really need to stop with all this “true story” nonsense. I dunno, it’s like they’re trying to copy Lemony Snickett or something. I wouldn’t mind, except they rarely even try. If authors want to do that sort of thing, they have to make it a little bit believable, even if it’s just a jokey sort of thing.

    To be honest, Fang is exactly the sort of person I’d expect to get caught in a holographic cage. He is the anti-badass.

    You know, maybe these books were written on a dare to see if they’d just publish anything Patterson churned out, no matter how ridiculous.

    “And then the book ends.

    Yay!” Crowning moment of funny. :D

    • Huh, I actually haven’t noticed that as a trend. Still irritating.

      (This reminds me, I still intend to write some thoughts on the book and I still need to order the next one (a used copy, of course).)

      • Yeah, it’s also used in I am Number Four and The Looking-Glass Wars. Both of which are pretty bad books too.

          • It’s actually my least-favourite book. Not only did I find it boring and condescending, it was just so fracking smug. I’m a huge Alice in Wonderland nerd, you see, and the author is very dismissive of the original books. He basically thinks that his version is superior, even though he didn’t do a whole lot of research on them. For people who aren’t really Alice fans, it’s just meh. But for those who do like Alice, it’s evil incarnate. xD Still, I will admit it isn’t as ridiculous as Maximum Ride.

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