Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports Spork Part 3

Standard

Chapter 14

We’re back with Max and Fang, and their previous spat seems to have been completely forgotten. They don’t seem to be looking for houses, however, instead searching for a general area to live, so at least there’s that. Right before the chapter’s end, Max narrates that she’ll get something that Fang is hiding at the next place they stop.

No, I’m not sure what it means, either.

Chapter 15

“I knew it was too good to be true,” Gazzy yelled. “The Erasers’ all being dead!”

“I didn’t feel them coming,” Angel said, confused. (pg 47)

So, you’re an under-ten kid whose lifelong antagonist has been these horrible wolf-like creatures. For a period, they’re completely absent from your life, and then they reappear again.

Is this really the reaction you have?

The rest of the chapter is a fight scene from the perspective of Nudge, and it’s actually not that bad. Not very exciting (and given its one-page length, it can’t be), but not bad.

Chapter 16

Nudge estimates there were 10 Erasers, though now there are only five.

You know, sending ten of your proven ineffective attack-men to attack presumably six kids doesn’t seem like a very good idea. I also wonder why the Erasers didn’t find Max and Fang instead, as it seems that Max’s chip is how the Erasers keep following them around.

Anyway, Gazzy blows up the Erasers, and this is Nudge’s reaction:

“Gross!” Nudge shrieked, as bits of Eraser hit her. “Gross, gross, gross! Oh, God, Gazzy! Gross!” (pg 49)

This is not a reasonable reaction either way you characterize Nudge: either she’s a normal kid, in which case she would care less about grossness and more about the fact that a bunch of people just got blown up and now their blown up body parts are hitting her, or she’s a sociopath that grew up in a cage and thus has no reason to care about the Erasers dying or the “gross”ness of it.

Tl;dr, JPatterson has no idea how to characterize.

Oh, but the Erasers were robots.

Yes, that’s right.

Robots.

I just.

And apparently Nudge still thinks this is “gross”. You heard it here first, folks: robot parts are disgusting.

Chapter 17

Max and Fang are eating a rabbit and discussing nothing in particular.

I looked at Fang, his sharp, angular face cast with shadows from the fire. I’d grown up with him, I trusted no one more than him, I depended on him. And now we felt a little like strangers. (pg 52)

But only a little.

They go back and forth a bit on the topic of settling down vs. saving the world, and then Fang kisses Max because this is apparently the most compelling drama right now.

Chapter 18

Fang seems to be attempting to argue via kissing; that is, Max starts to consider abandoning the “saving the world” thing before deciding nope and flying off.

I’m bored. Is anyone else bored?

Chapter 19

Fang is thinking about Max, and that’s really as best I can describe it. It would almost be sweet, too, if it didn’t feel completely out of place with the rest of the series so far.

Chapter 20

I was trying to summarize in more detail with this book as opposed to the last one, but these chapters are just so darn short! I really wish JPatterson would not do this.

Anyway, Nudge is showing off some resourcefulness that I wish was more common for her and is cooking an unknown something in foil, having learned to do so after searching for camping recipes online.

I mean, isn’t that cool? Wouldn’t you like to read about a character like that? That’s interesting.

And then the sun goes out.

Actually, that was just the book being melodramatic. Turns out there are a whole ton of robot Erasers converging on the flock-minus-Fang-and-Max’s location.

Who wants to bet the kids fight them off?

Chapter 21

Nudge’s ears were filled with a horrible droning sound, like a thousand bees, and as the Flyboys dropped closer, it started to sound like chanting, like, “We are many! You cannot win!” (pg 60)

BAHAHAHAHA.

Sorry, JPatterson, this isn’t Star Trek or Doctor Who. Your villains-with-a-catchphrase are just silly.

Also, I’d just like to take a moment to note that the bad guys made robot wolf-men. Not robot men, which would be practical, but robot wolf-men.

Gazzy manages to catch some of the robots (called Flyboys for some reason) on fire with burning sticks, which, what? and then everyone else follows suit. Iggy also has bombs because of course he does, but then, in a surprising turn of events, the kids actually get captured. The robots also get described as “flying like big toasters or something”, which is ridiculous.

Chapter 22

We’re back with Max, who’s decided to ignore the events of the previous night.

Gosh, it was hard to figure out what to worry about first. Everything wanting to contribute to my ulcer, Get in line and take a number! (pg 63)

No, I don’t know why that’s “wanting” and not “wanted”. Nor do I know what’s up with the random capitalization.

Max and Fang are flying and talking and continuing their ridiculous drama, when Max recognizes where they’re at, enters a small town, and manages to go straight to Ella’s (that girl from the first book) house.

I really envy Max’s navigational skills.

Chapter 23

The rest of the flock again, as they’re in the back of a vehicle and Iggy gets kicked for pointing this out.

Nudge winced, practically feeling his pain with him. Since he was blind, he couldn’t see her face or the sympathy she was trying to send his way. (pg 66)

God, JPatterson, we get it! Iggy’s blind! Now could you bother to ever describe him with something else?

After the Flyboys had grabbed them, they’d put cloth hoods over their heads. (pg 66)

I just want to include this sentence because of its hilarious pronoun confusion.

Also, Angel is not with Nudge, Iggy, and Gazzy.

Chapter 24

Max says her normal time with Ella and Ella’s mom had “haunted me ever since I’d left them.” Not that this has ever been shown, or mentioned until now.

Then Ella’s mom comes out of the house and Max somehow knows Fang, who is behind her, “faded into the woods, where he would be invisible among the shadows.” Just a bit of omniscience, no big deal.

And then Ella’s mom notices Max!

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2 responses »

  1. Robots that are burned with sticks? Poorly written love drama? Constant reminders of Iggy’s blindness? Robotic wolf-people chanting? *slaps forehead Forget those questions! What I want to know is what drugs was Patterson on when he wrote this?! The robotic wolf-people are lamer than the Trade Federation droids from Star Wars, the love drama makes no sense and is pointless, being constantly reminded of Iggy’s blindness…just…damn… This leaves me speechless!

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