Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports Spork Part 7

Standard

Chapter 49

Angel proves herself to be utterly insane, going on about how she deserves to be the leader, how she’s better than Max and Fang, etc. etc. Max responds by verbally abusing Angel.

The flock are just so nice!

“Whatever,” I said in my trademark bored tone. (pg 145)

??? Since when does Max sound bored more frequently than never?

Also, Ari is evidently trying to help Max, which begs the question of why the bad guys thought it would be a good idea to let a guy with nothing to lose and heaps of information on their plans talk with Max.

Chapter 50

The flock are given a box that includes some sort of bizarre hologram picture-projector that shows the picture of baby Gazzy, then magically zooms the picture around to show a check for 10,000 dollars. Max uses this information to come to the conclusion that Gazzy’s mom sold him.

So, you know.

Chapter 51

Max now tells us that the room the flock are in has no windows, which makes me wonder how she knew it was morning a few chapters back.

Anyway, a scientist comes in and demands Iggy and Gazzy, then starts talking about the By-Half Plan as if the flock already know about it, which just seems odd to me but moving on! He also gives some handy information (only people with “useful skills” will survive) that’s really just awkward info-dumping.

The flock refuse to let Gazzy and Iggy go willingly, China is interested in the flock as weapons, etc. etc.

Chapter 52

See, when you’re an evil, endlessly funded insane scientist, you have both the means and the motive to, say, suddenly gas a whole room of hostage bird kids.

Causing said bird kids to pass out without even realizing it and then wake up in a metal cage in the middle of a field.

At night. (pg 153)

It’s still Maximum Ride, it’s still got less-than-preferable wording, but I like the timing of this.

Some of you have probably jumped ahead and are already at the place where you realize this happened to us, and I’m not just rattling on hypothetically, so good on ya! (pg 153)

…And then JPatterson just has to ruin it.

There were no lights. Even the moon and stars were blocked by thick, low-lying clouds. (pg 153)

If there are no lights, how does Max know there are clouds?

Also, it would seem that since the flock didn’t willingly go for tests, they are now worthless and will be killed. I assume this is because it is completely impossible to force them to be tested, because that’s definitely not what they did with Angel back in the first book.

On that note, if the whole plan is to check if the flock are useful and then kill them, what was up with Angel’s abduction in the first book? Its purpose seems to be completely separate from the current plan.

Oh, wait. Logic.

Ter Borcht goes on about the By-Half Plan because he’s a villain and this is how villains work, a bunch of people start arriving, including Jeb and Anne, and then ter Borcht gets knocked out with a metal bar.

Ter Borcht in the mystery place with the lead pipe!

Chapter 53

Angel starts attacking the scientists, and Ari begins chewing on the cage the rest of the flock are in.

That’s right.

He chews on it.

Because we all know how possible it is to chew through metal.

Then Max starts explaining things:

“Angel’s not a traitor,” I said. “She and I agreed that she would do this so she’d be on the inside and could get us out if anything happened. She’s been my spy.”

“We came up with this plan in case the worst happened,” I said fast. “Which it did, of course. Angel’s not a traitor–never was.” (pg 157)

So, the only possible way for Angel to become a bad guy is to use her mind control. However, there is absolutely no reason why she couldn’t use her mind control to, I dunno, get the bad guys to tell the entire flock their evil plan, then make the bad guys let the flock go?

OH YEAH. LOGIC.

Also, it turns out that the flock thought Ari was a bad guy for trying to get into their cage, when in actuality he was being a good guy and letting them go. And then he reveals Total! (Which is one hundred percent disappointing, because Total being gone would shift the book from “unbearable” to “really bad.”)

Chapter 54

The flock get up into the air, and are ineffectively shot at by the people who would’ve been executing them.

Let me take a moment to lay out the bad guys’ course of action: first, they tried to get the flock to willingly be tested on. When the flock refused, they took them outside, put them in a cage, and let them wake up a good five, ten minutes before the executioners got there.

This brings up some issues, namely why they’d take the flock outside. Seriously. Give me one reason. (And no, “so people could watch” is not a valid reason, because people can watch inside, too.)

Anyway, Max wants Ari to come with them, so he flies up to join them. However, only Angel is up for this so everyone but her and Max fly away.

Oh noes!

Chapter 55

Max watches as Iggy tampers under the hood of a car and pushes it into the underground parking area for the School, at which point it explodes. This causes a chain of explosions, which Iggy says is because of the cars’ gas tanks.

Sorry, Iggy, but I’m pretty sure cars don’t explode without outside materials.

Despite the end of the last chapter, the flock are all flying away together plus Ari and also the voice is back! And also the scars on Max’s arm are back! As it happens, I have no idea how that could work!

(And, just as I said earlier, Max’s hand is now working. Even though all that stuff wasn’t a dream. I have no idea how this works.)

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5 responses »

  1. (stammers, stutters, bangs head on table) What?! This book…gah! This book makes the prior two books look decent by comparison. Just when I think the villains can’t become more stupid, they pull this stunt. The randomness at the end of ch. 55 makes most YouTube Poops look sane and decent. My head hurts now…

  2. The idea of Angel being the leader is scary and absurd…but she still could be better than Max. Maybe.
    I wouldn’t be surprised if Gazzy’s parents sold him. Would anybody want him as their son?

  3. This MUST be a test by JPat to see how much retardation he can get away with being published. There is no other possibility. It keeps getting lazier and less realistic.

    Car gas tanks don’t just…explode. Our anything it would take awhile for the heat to get high enough. Unless he put a rag in every car’s tank before magically rigging the first, this is just..good lord.

    Why outside indeed. Why not tranquilized? Why not clip their wings? Sooooo stupid.

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