Kewl dude 326 said . . . (pg 199)
Sugargrrl said . . .(pg 199)
Heather said . . . (pg 199)
As you may have guessed (or surmised from me telling you), this chapter is a bunch of fictional comments on Fang’s blog. Maybe one of them (from “Heather”) actually sounds somewhat realistic; the rest are grammatical messes even real people don’t make filled with bizarre reasoning that only comes from people like JPatterson not knowing what kids are like.
Also, all of these kids believe that there are kids with wings flying about, despite the pretty much zero evidence to support it. AKA they apparently cannot separate fact from apparent fiction.
Max explains how Angel used her mind control to make people not notice Total or Ari (Ari because he’s permanently half-wolf), get them first-class plane tickets, and extra meals to boot!
Now watch as Angel doesn’t use these ridiculous powers to, I dunno, stop the bad guys.
Then Max and Nudge get a nice moment in which Nudge is surprisingly adorable and likeable. There are good qualities to these books, even if they’re few and far in between.
Max’s group arrive in London, and
The Voice was MIA, and we were on our own.
Which was fine. I’d gotten us all this far. The Voice was a recent phenomenon, and as far as I was concerned, it could stay gone. (pg 206)
Well, let’s see. Max escaped the School because of Jeb, lived up in the mountains because of Jeb (and then had to make about zero Big Decisions when he disappeared since their house was magical), rescued Angel, went to New York, and then it was the voice from then on. That’s two and a quarter out of three books, which is pretty sizable if you ask me.
Max says they should start researching Itex, but Total of course has to interrupt:
“Whoa, whoa, hold the phone,” said Total. “We’re in London. Are you telling me we’re not going to go see the Crown Jewels?” (pg 206)
I know I sound like a broken record, but Total shouldn’t even have heard of London until the flock were heading there, let alone the Crown Jewels. Remember, he’s a dog. That lived in a cage. But apparently he’s a pop culture whiz who possesses a human consciousness!
Anyway, the rest of Max’s group pile on the idea of checking out the sights, and the voice tells Max to let them and so it is decided.
It’s like JPatterson doesn’t even want Max to have to make decisions; everything’s directed by the voice, which is just an excuse for JPatterson to control the plot independent of his characters.
The flock check out a museum before heading over to Madame Tussauds (which, to my knowledge, is essentially a wax sculpture museum).
“I don’t know who any of these ‘famous’ people are,” said Angel, once we were inside Tussauds.
“Me neither,” said Nudge, sounding disappointed.
“Me neither,” said Ari.
“Um, I think this one is Brad Pitt,” I said, pointing. “Who knew he was this tall?”
“Who’s Brad Pitt?” Angel asked.
Total tsked and scratched behind one ear with a hind leg. “Only a world-famous movie star,” he said. “Read a paper sometimes, will you?” (pg 210)
Time to find Itex!
There office was in . . .
“Threadgill-on-Thames?” Nudge read carefully.
“It sounds like a tweed theme park,” said Angel. (pg 212)
Angel, please tell me what a tweed theme park is, because I have no idea. (And you said you didn’t know who Brad Pitt is!)
Total corrects Nudge’s pronunciation, too, because of course he does.
Max introspects for a bit, thinking about Fang, and then Nudge breaks her out of it and it’s decided that they’ll fly to the Itex office.
They’re now at the Itex office, which is dark and gloomy and used to be a prison, because of course.
Everyone prepares to enter the office, but the voice interrupts with a Hydra analogy; evidently, this office is not the actual base of Itex, and so they have to keep looking.
I’m looking at something different, though: how JPatterson managed to waste five pages on a completely pointless diversion (going to this Itex office).
So, yeah, Max randomly chooses France, and everyone wants pastries because of course.
I stifled a response–had Madame Tussauds taught them nothing?–and took off into the chilly night, kind of feeling like Harry Potter escaping from the Dursleys. Except in our world, Dursleys were everywhere, were heavily funded, and had a strong scientific bent. (pg 220)
Remember how JPatterson compared his villains to Hitler? Well, now he’s comparing Max to Harry Potter.
Los Angeles, gangbangers, huh! (pg 221)
“If they’re not the Crips or the Bloods, does that mean they’re the Cruds?” Iggy asked in all seriousness. (pg 221)
Okay, so it would seem Fang’s group have been taken in by a gang galled the Ghosts, since the gang’s leader reads Fang’s blog, and so Fang’s group get some rest at a Ghost residence.
Apparently the “go to People magazine” plan is happening now, and Fang manages to get himself, another fourteen-year-old, and an eight-year-old into the building under the guise of delivering food.
I’d let that one sink in for a moment, if I were you.
Upon reaching their destination, however, Fang completely bungles everything and security gets called.
They get thrown out, of course, but not before a wacky chase scene.
Does anyone even know what this book is about anymore?
Fang’s group are eating hot dogs when oh no, Eraser robots! They number at about 80, which makes perfect sense: when 200 fail, send 80!
I mean, what.
So, yeah. It’s a fight scene, nothing new, though it is striking how before, the flock would just hold their ground against twenty Erasers, and now they’re fighting against way more Eraser robots (which are obviously stronger).
I don’t think JPatterson understand how power creeps work.