Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports Spork Part 11


Note that Fang’s blog is incredibly popular, and yet Itex has for some reason not found it and shut it down.

Just sayin’.

Chapter 90

Max spouts some sarcasm at Jeb, who tells her she can still save the world. Then he speaks with the voice of the voice inside Max’s head, which is extremely confusing because I don’t know what Max’s voice sounds like, so I can’t tell if Jeb is talking and his voice is inexplicably different or if he’s basically just putting on an accent. But I think the fact that Jeb is the voice is supposed to be dramatic, even though he’s pretty much the only known character it could be.

Chapter 91

We’re back with Fang, who’s in an internet cafe with Iggy and Gazzy when his magical senses tell him someone’s looking at him.

And, in an incredibly convenient twist, the person is the homeless, computer-knowledgeable kid the flock met in New York. I’m not going to bother to ask how he got all the way to the west coast, and the book doesn’t bother explaining it, either.

Anyway, the reason why the kid showed up? To help Fang, of course! That is, to “get a message through to every kid on the ‘net, everywhere in the world”. Which, suuuure.

Chapter 92

Let’s just take a moment to ponder the ridiculousness of this particular plot point: a homeless kid from New York got all the way to the west coast, at which point he just happened to run into Fang, at which point he agreed to send a message to every kid in the world. (Which is impossible.)

Then Gazzy wants a muffin so Fang gives him money, which makes me wonder where Fang gets his money from. Or the flock in general, really; I don’t think the issue of money has been brought up since the first book.

The more and more you look, the more and more everything in these books falls apart.

Fang introduces his group to the kid, who’s named Mike, and Mike recognizes Fang because of his blog. However, Mike requires proof of the wings, so they head upstairs and Mike unlocks the door to a storage room because of course he has the key.

Fang shows Mike his wings, etc. etc.

Chapter 93

Mike starts creating a code to send a message to every kid in the world (I will never not find this funny, by the way) when Fang gets the email from Max asking him to come help. He brushes it off for a moment, and gets started writing his message to every kid in the world.This message will apparently take the form of a basic virus (I think this is basic stuff? All I know is that I know about it as a technique) and send emails to people, then use those people’s address books to send more emails.

How this will get to every kid, and how it will avoid adults, I do not know. I also don’t know why only kids are capable of helping.

Chapter 94

Here’s the message, which I’m quoting in full because WOW:

Hey. If you get this message, we might have a chance. I mean the world might have a chance. Long story short: The grown-ups have taken a nice clean planet and trashed it for money. Not every grown-up. But a bunch of them, over and over, choose money and profits over clean air and water. It’s their way of telling us they don’t give a rat’s butt about us, the kids, who are going to inherit what’s left of the Earth.

A group of scientists want to take back the planet before it’s too late and stop the pollution. Good, right? Only problem is they think they need to get rid of half the world’s population to do it. So it’s like: Save the planet so the pollution doesn’t kill people, or . . . just kill people to start with, to save everyone time. For you kids at home, that’s called “flawed logic.” I mean, call me crazy, but that seems like a really bad plan.

The other thing about these scientists is that they’ve tried to create a new kind of human who might survive better, like if there’s a nuclear winter or whatever. I won’t go into the details, but let me just say that this idea is as boneheaded and dangerous as their “kill half the people” plan.

What I’m saying is: It’s up to us. You and me. Me and my flock, you and your friends. The kids. We want–we deserve–to inherit a clean, unmessed-up planet, and still keep everyone who’s already living on it.

We can do it. But we have to join together. We have to take chances. Take risks. We have to get active and really do something, instead of just sitting at home playing Xbox. This isn’t a game. We can’t defeat the enemy by hitting them with our superlaser guns.

We want our planet back.

Kids matter. We’re important. Our future is important.

ARE YOU WITH ME? (pgs 282-283)

I swear, this book is quickly becoming the poster child for liberal brainwashing, and I don’t even think that’s a thing.

But seriously: this pops up in your inbox. You’re a kid. What do you do? Certainly not go out and fix everything, if only because Fang doesn’t say how or even give contact information.

Chapter 95

Now it’s time for Fang’s group to head to Germany!

Chapter 96

Max gives us the time-old play off of the “when life gives you lemons” saying, because of course she does. Then she starts trying to teach Ari to spell his name for some reason. (I’m not sure I mentioned it, but the book previously disclosed that Ari can’t read or write.)

Jeb had taught me and Fang to read. I’d taught Gazzy and Nudge and Angel. We were a little shaky with spelling and grammar sometimes, but all of us could forge signatures like a pro. (pg 287)

And yet Fang’s message was grammatically sound. And Nudge’s email to Fang was pretty much perfect. So, uh.

Max sort of apologizes for almost killing Ari in New York, and he says that she did kill him but that the scientists “fused some of the bones in my [his] neck.”

I feel like that’s not how anything, ever, works.

Ari and Max have a heart-to-heart over Jeb which sounds human when you forget that it’s another instance of informed emotions that are never actually shown. Then the chapter ends.

Chapter 97

Max’s group are taken out to what they describe as being similar to a prison yard, AKA outside but walled in, but they don’t fly away because that would be intelligent. Then Max tells us about how her group has collars on their necks, which she assumes would shock them if they try to escape.

Now, this is something I’ve noticed throughout the book: Max will tell us something at the beginning of the chapter, then refuse to elaborate on it until later (for instance, at the beginning of this chapter, she says they get moved to somewhere bad, but this place is not described for another page). She’ll also withhold important information for much longer than she should, which just creates an awkward reading experience because I’m having to ask basic questions and then wait for their simple answers.

Also, Angel asks if this is what prisons will be like after the By-Half Plan ends (or starts? It’s been a while since we were informed it was starting, but nothing has yet happened), Max says yes, Nudge asks why they’d need prisons when they’re trying to stop the fighting, Max says Nudge is right, and none of them stop to think that this being a prison has never been established.

And then Max’s clone is there!


3 responses »

  1. I want to destroy this series ass well as JPat. I am flabbergasted at how he thinks he can put in this “virus” crap and expect anyone under the age of 50 to find it even minimally realistic.. Kids today understand computers, they will know this is crap. JPat has just proven to ask just how old and out of touch with reality he is. This might have sounded okay back in the 1980’s, but come on.

    And I honestly think he doesn’t care about blatantly inventing skills to solve problems without even considering logic or verisimilitude. Of COURSE they can freaking forge perfect signatures, they learned shortly after learning how to fly helicopters and particle physics. You know, just in case.
    Approaching critical mass of stupid…

  2. How does Fang know about the villain’s eco terrorism plan? I won’t even go into the computer stuff he pulled off. It’s just illogical…
    What’s with the “save the planet” stuff? This plot makes the Captain Planet series look intelligent by comparison! I’m for doing outdoor cleaning, but to think young kids can make an actual difference? Nonsense! If the planet can be “saved,” then get rid of all the nuclear material or at least put it to good use!

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