Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports Spork Part 13


(Sorry for the late update! Life got in the way.)

Chapter 103

The scientists leave, and Max’s mom gives us an interesting tidbit:

“You were designed to be very smart, Max,” she told me. “We electrically stimulated your synaptic nerve endings while your brain was developing.” (pg 311)

Now, I’m not an expert, and I haven’t the first clue of how I’d check into the legitimacy of this, but to my untrained ears this sounds like some bogus science.

Then Max’s mom makes Max very angry and Max goes on this tirade that might sound cool if Max didn’t interrupt every paragraph to tell us how cool it was. The gist of it, though, is that Max will somehow make everything complicated even though the current options are 1) work for the Chinese or 2) die.

Somehow I don’t think she will manage this. Or if she does, it will be ridiculously contrived.

Chapter 104

Max gives us a paragraph explaining that no matter how difficult our lives are, hers is worse.


Anyway, she’s back in the dungeon for… some reason, and then Jeb comes in and starts talking to her. He tells her that being Marian Janssen’s daughter could put her in a position of power, and asks her what she’d do with that power.

“And I would seize all the offshore hidden bank accounts of companies and people who had contributed to ruining the environment. With that money, I would make sure that health care and education were available to everyone for free.” (pgs 317-318)

I seriously don’t understand why I haven’t heard of Fox News ripping this apart. Seriously.

I felt Nudge and Angel smile against my shoulders, and I sat up straighter. “Plus, housing and food for everyone. Companies that polluted would be shut down and banished. People in the government who ignored the environment and started wars would be booted out of office and made to work in the fields. (pg 318)

Look, JPatterson, I don’t wholly disagree with Max, but this is ridiculously egregious. Come on.

But apparently this speech made Max pass a test, at least according to Jeb.

Chapter 105

Jeb says that her speech means that she’s uncorruptable (???), reveals that Marian Janssen is not biologically related to Max, and says that he is Max’s father.

Brilliant plotting, JPatterson. Really brilliant.

Chapter 106

Max is ridiculously shocked by this, and says that for “years and years” she had wished that he was her dad.

That is, regardless of the fact that he raised her and loved her and cared for her, she didn’t view him as her dad. Apparently you have to be biologically related to someone to really care about them or something.

This is just text and thus you can’t tell, but I’m really grossed out right now. JPatterson’s usage of Max as a mouthpiece clearly means he thinks of himself, or Max, or both, as some sort of moral genius(es), and yet these books are constantly spouting off offensive values–“Indian names,” requirement of biological relation for parenthood, only thinking to teach Nudge and Angel how to make cookies despite Iggy being the best cook, the characters themselves fitting neatly into preconceptions of how their genders should act…


Then Jeb says that Max’s biological mother is Dr. Martinez, AKA Ella’s mom, AKA the character Max randomly stumbled into in the first book and absolutely loves.


Chapter 107

Max then says that Dr. Martinez is Hispanic and that Max doesn’t look like her, which on the one hand cool, some confirmed racial diversity; on the other hand, I guess Max is too good to look anything but white? Or something? I mean, I certainly can’t think of a reason for her to not look mixed race, considering that that’s some nice diversity.

Blah blah blah Max doesn’t want Jeb to be her father chapter end.

Chapter 108

Angel asks about the files they had found with addresses and whatnot, and Jeb says that either the flock misinterpreted them or they were planted by Marian Janssen; either way, finding the rest of the flock’s parents is a no go.

So, considering that Anne Walker has yet to show up again and the files were useless, the entire first two thirds of School’s Out–Forever were completely and utterly useless.

If this isn’t proof that JPatterson has absolutely no idea what he’s doing with the plots of these books, I don’t know what is.

Jeb says that there’s a “final test” for Max after “the rally”, and the chapter ends.

Chapter 109

Oh god it’s more Fang’s blog.

The gist of it is basically that kids have begun organizing… things. What things, I have no idea, because they seem to be related to Itex even though Fang never mentioned Itex or anything more than the By-Half plan, and I refuse to believe that a bunch of kids heard that evul scientists were going to kill half of the population and decided to do… something about it.

Okay, so far as I can tell, these somethings may be protests? Which seems absurd–all these kids know is “these bad guys want to kill us!” and apparently saying that is going to do something.

I do not understand this book’s logic.

Fang and his group are currently waiting for a freight plane that they’re going to sneak onto.

It was torture to wait until six like this, and then the whole flight across the ocean, and then look for Max somewhere in Germany. (pg 332)

I cannot for the life of me figure out how this sentence’s grammar makes any sense whatsoever.

Chapter 110

Max’s group are now outside, and Max thinks about how Dr. Martinez and Ella are basically her favorite people outside of the flock.

How convenient that they’re her biological family AKA somehow more important.

Max points out how the Eraser robots now have their guns connected directly to their arms and how this is an improvement over the previous model, which used guns manually.

A question: you are making a weapon robot. Do you: take the time and resources to program it to operate guns not connected to it, guns that can be dropped and lost, or: build weapons right into their arms?


Marian Janssen comes out and begins her speech, and then it’s time for some reveal.

Tune in next week to find out what that reveal is!


6 responses »

  1. These contrived plot points about Max’s family were overused even when Return of the Jedi was released back in 1983. Is Patterson easily amused by surprise relatives?

    Max/Patterson is right up there with Lisa Simpson in being an annoying environmental mouthpiece. I’m for saving the environment, but being obnoxious and condescending to others is not the way to do it.

    If Max is super intelligent then the Beatles are a death metal band.

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