Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports Spork Part 16

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Chapter 121

Max fights against the Eraser robots with Jeb and the others for a bit, and then Ari collapses and dies.

Chapter 122

JPatterson gives Max a couple of paragraphs to be sad, none of which is emotionally compelling or powerful, and then it’s back to the boring fight scene. Jeb sees Ari and is sad, then tells Max that Omega can’t “track things fast with his eyes.” Which, uh. What?

Then Omega shows up and says he has been ordered to fight Max.

Chapter 123

Max punches Omega so hard that she suspects a small bone in her hand broke, and then they continue fighting. To test out what Jeb said, Max waves her hand around in front of Omega and it confuses him.

That–just–what? Why would this superhuman have such a weakness? How does that make any sense whatsoever?

It was like hypnotizing a cat. (pg 375)

…Because you’ve done that.

Max knocks out Omega, then for some reason decides that nope, she’s not going to kill him. Only she doesn’t decide not to kill him while acknowledging that she was originally going to; she just doesn’t. It’s as if JPatterson forgot what he had previously written.

Chapter 124

Conveniently, the electric net above them doesn’t keep things out (how that works, I have no idea), and so rocks start flying in. According to Angel, they’re being thrown by kids, who start shouting.

“Save the flock! Kill the Flyboys! Destroy Itex!” (pg 378)

I don’t have the mental capacity to properly explain just how horrendously ridiculous this is.

As the chant gets louder, flaming arrows begin streaking in in addition to the rocks. Marian Janssen directs the Eraser robots to get rid of the kids, but because she is a cartoon villain she forgets to turn off the electric net and so the Eraser robots just short out.

Then it turns out that the kids are using some vehicle as a battering ram.

Chapter 125

We’ve moved to omniscience and are currently in England. Yay!

Only not, because we’re at a School, where kids have begun protesting. Apparently this School wasn’t hidden like the one the flock come from, which is curious.

Then we’re in the Netherlands, where the protesting kids are using Molotov cocktails.

Then we’re in Australia, at one of the hidden away Schools, where children are riding in on motorscooters and ATVs.

Help me, guys. I think I’m going insane. Surely nobody would write such a contrived, ridiculous turn of events? Surely nobody would be such a horrible, horrible writer? Please, someone tell me this is just an elaborate joke!

…Please?

Chapter 126

We’re back with Fang, who is leading Gazzy and Iggy into the ocean. According to the book, he hits the water so streamlined that it’s not that bad, which would lead me to believe that he can somehow fit his fourteen-foot wingspan flat against (or I suppose inside, on account of the silly back-indentations) his back.

Which, no. That’s impossible.

Since the Eraser robots were horribly designed, however, they fly right into the water without question and all short out.

Chapter 127

We’re back with Max, just as the vehicular battering ram succeeds and a girl jumps out, saying that she just got her license. Who she’s speaking to, I don’t know.

Also, I just want to take a moment to note that this was all a demonstration, showing off hybrids and the like to potential investors or something. Those potential investors or whatnot, however, have not been mentioned once, including as all this panic is going on, so I can only assume that either JPatterson has no idea what he’s doing or that they never were there in the first place, in which case the demonstration was for nobody. In which case JPatterson still has no idea what he’s doing.

Max gets Nudge to fly over with her to Marian Janssen, which is possible because the electric net has shorted out from the Eraser robots. Which means that it wasn’t actually a physical thing, just electricity, which makes me wonder why Max would think it would prevent stuff from getting in. It also makes me wonder how the Eraser robots managed to short it out.

Ah, Maximum Ride logic.

Chapter 128

Max and Nudge fly Marian Janssen way up, though I’m not entirely sure how Nudge knew to do this because Max never said to. Max threatens to drop Marian unless she tells Max who her “real mom” is, and after initially refusing Marian says it’s Dr. Martinez.

Then Marian reveals for no reason that she’s part tortoise, and that she’s one hundred and seven years old (presumably she looks middle-aged?). Why they never tried to market this, well.

Chapter 129

Oh, and apparently that was the climax of the book. Never mind that it was ridiculously boring.

Max’s group are now in a cafe in Paris, where they are somehow able to videochat with Fang’s group. And that’s basically it.

Epilogue: We are the Champions–For the Moment, Anyway

Chapter 130

No, I don’t know why there’s an epilogue marker and a chapter number.

The flock are now reuniting, and then Max says she wants to go to Arizona.

Chapter 131

Oh, okay. The epilogue was just another book part.

No, I don’t think that makes any sense.

The flock are now meeting with Dr. Martinez and Ella, and Jeb is also there because of course he is. Max gives us a paragraph about how awesome Dr. Martinez is and how happy she is to have her as a mother, which, if you ask me, is still a too-convenient turn of events.

Chapter 132

Max talks a little bit about Jeb, and how she’s still not sure she can trust him but that he’s acting “normal” again. Evidently he was working with the bad guys to have information to give Max, only he barely had any information to give her, and then there’s the fact that he was gone for two years, leaving them all alone, and he never bothered to explain things to Max, or even actually give her much helpful information, and really in the end nothing he did made any sense whatsoever.

The rest of the chapter is just gushy silliness, so I’m ignoring it.

Chapter 133

Max says goodbye to Jeb (apparently the flock are leaving for… some reason), and then the book ends.

Is it just me, or was that a really crappy three books? The second one did absolutely nothing important (seriously, tell me one thing in that book that had any kind of importance), the first one only barely passes on the plot importance test since it was the first book and thus the introductory one, and about half of the third book was completely pointless.

I’ll write up some more detailed thoughts on the books and its characters later, but right now I’m feeling pretty drained. That book was crappy, you guys!

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3 responses »

  1. Book 3 without a doubt is the worst of the original 3. The ending feels rushed; Marian mentions she’s part tortoise and over 100 years old for no reason (which she wouldn’t be, genetic tempering of the calibur she mentions would not have existed back in the late 1800’s/early 1900’s); Max and the gang finally found a home to stay at but leave for no reason; the other scientists such as Ann are never mentioned again; kids and local cops are the ones to defeat Itex as opposed to armies or other forces, not that it matters since the henchmen are stupid and make the Power Ranger mooks look effective by comparison.
    Speaking of mooks, the flyboys are just a hybrid of the Tenga/Tengu (I’ve mentioned them before so no more details about them) and the Cogs (mooks from season 4, unfortunately I cannot find good clips of these guys so I have this instead: http://powerrangers.wikia.com/wiki/Cogs Also they can use various weaponry and were even able to chase away the prior villains. By that, I mean they were effective enough to defeat the villains that have been there since season 1). The flyboys would stand no chance against either the tenga/tengu nor the cogs. Heck, they’d have trouble defeating the original putties from back in season 1!

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