The Final Warning Spork Part 4

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(Sorry for the lateness–I was prepared to get this up on Wednesday, but then I forgot to edit it until it was too late.)

Chapter 11

Max spends an entire paragraph saying “we got the pizza” in unnecessary detail, and then Gazzy notices that one of the pizzas has a wire sticking out of it. Then there’s an explosion, because of course.

Slight fluttering sounds told me that bits of stuff were floating to the ground. (pg 42)

Well, that’s a silly sentence.

“I’m okay,” said Iggy, though I couldn’t see him. Then a pile of dust and debris moved on the floor, and he stood up, looking as if he’d been flocked. Like a Christmas tree. (pg 42)

And that just doesn’t make any sense.

So, yeah. The pizzas were bombs, somehow, but the flock are perfectly fine so it doesn’t really matter. Once everything has settled, the flock heads out to avoid the cops… for some reason.

Chapter 12

The flock split up from Dr. Martinez and Jeb, meeting them up at a motel to avoid whoever tried to kill them. Though given that they used a freaking bomb as opposed to, say, going in and shooting the flock, I’m not sure what threat they pose. Max also tells us that “No one had tried to blow us up in a while,” though I can’t recall any bombs in the last three books. That’s JPatterson logic for you, I guess.

Max talks with her mom for a page, and it’s actually pretty nice and calm and generally well-written. Then Dr. Martinez decides to ask if Max is involved with Fang. Don’t ask me why, because it doesn’t make any sense, especially not in the situation they’re in, but she does.

*Sigh*

Chapter 13

Fang wakes Max up in the middle of the night and suggests that they fly together. They do because reasons, and eventually land on a small dock, where Fang begins to talk about him and Max’s relationship.

Oh, okay, so that’s why Dr. Martinez brought it up, so that every little thing that happens in this book can be foreshadowed with the force of a sledgehammer.

And then they kiss because OF COURSE THEY DO and then Max flies off because OF COURSE SHE DOES and do I care about any of this NOPE.

Chapter 14

I know it’s a bit early for this, but has anything happened in this book? I mean, how did “Ari’s funeral, reject the government, nearly get blown up” take up 50 pages of the book, with only a horrendous prologue to offer any kind of plot? Maybe I’m being too harsh, but god, when everything in this book is so stupid how can’t I be?

Aaanyway, Max glosses over her supposedly hellish morning, and then it’s time for another meeting with the government that I don’t believe was brought up until now. Right.

Some guy at the meeting says that the government has gotten funding for the school for the flock, and Dr. Martinez asks why the flock can’t be put into the witness protection program. She also calls the flock innocent in the process, which leads to this:

Though even I thought she was going a little far, calling us “innocent.” Maybe she didn’t know about the string of stolen cars or the vandalism of empty vacation homes.

But I digress. (pg 53)

What a wonderful role model. Though at least she’s finally admitting her wrongdoings.

They go back and forth a bit, then Angel telepathically asks Max if they can leave, so Max speaks up.

Chapter 15

STUPID CHAPTER BREAKS AUGH.

Max mentions that the flock aren’t being consulted in this, though I’m not sure why given that Max already expressed her interests in the previous meeting–not to mention the fact that Dr. Martinez and Jeb are basically asking for the same thing the flock want.

A woman says that the flock aren’t being consulted on the matter because they lack the experience and education, and Max claims to have had lots of life experience in her fourteen years.

Yep, that’s right. Living in solitude followed by a few months living on the lam is a veritable ton of life experience.

Max goes on a rant about how being in danger and fighting people makes her and the flock qualified to make this sort of decision (which, newsflash, life experience and fighting are basically opposites), and then she puts on her jacket to jump out a window and fly. I mean, I know I’ve talked about this before, but the flock’s wings still make no sense whatsoever.

Chapter 16

The flock aerially harass the Pentagon, then fly off when jets come towards them.

“Into the trees!” I called, pointing to where several acres of trees made a weensy forest. By tucking our wings tightly back, we lost altitude like feathery rocks. I spotted several openings among the treetops, and we sank into them, immediately turning sideways and opening our wings so we wouldn’t hit the ground. We flew sideways for a while, slipping between tree trunks, knowing we were invisible to the jets. (pg 59)

Can you count how many things are wrong with this paragraph? Because I can notice a couple. First, stopping oneself feet from the ground after dropping “like feathery rocks” would be pretty harsh. Second, “sank” brings to mind a fluid, slowish movement, not falling through a gap. Third, flying through a forest with thirteen-foot wingspans, even sideways, is not going to work. Fourth and finally, how do they know that they’re invisible to the jets?

Moving on, Max notes that jets are faster than the flock, but that jets can’t navigate through trees. As I said, kids with wings shouldn’t be able to either, but that’s logic.

The flock leave the trees, free of the jets, and as jets are the only tool used by the government (note: sarcasm) the flock are safe.

Chapter 17

The flock escape to a national park, and Max calls her mom… somehow. They chat for a moment, and then Dr. Martinez gives the phone to Jeb and Max randomly asks him if he’s the voice in her head. Jeb says that he can do the voice, but that he isn’t the voice, and that it’s all part of the bigger picture, and yes this is all stupid.

Max wraps up talking with Jeb, and as always his motivations are unclear and don’t make any sense, and as always Max doesn’t trust him for reasons we still haven’t been told. Then the chapter ends, and I’m not reading any more of this book right now so this spork part ends too.

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