Maximum Ride: MAX Spork Part 2


Sorry for the lateness!

Chapter 7

The flock are now in Mexico City for their next show, and they all hate the pollution blah blah blah. Also, Fang’s blog is brought up. Thankfully it’s just a brief mention. Then:

“You’re national heroes,” Dr Amazing [Brigid Dwyer] had said earlier, pushing her, yes, red hair out of her eyes while Fang watched her with interest. (pg 39)

Some people have pointed out discrepancies with Brigid’s hair color, so I looked at The Final Warning and indeed:

The woman was a couple inches shorter than me, with blond hair in a single braid down her back. (pg 91, The Final Warning)


As the airshow finishes up, Max says that a nightmare is coming. Oh noez!

Chapter 8

The setting: An impossibly big open stadium in impressive but noxious Mexico City

The cast of characters: The flock, Total, Dr. Amazing, and some very nice Mexican officials who wanted give us an award. Plus a TV crew.

The plot: Just wait. It’s coming. (pg 42)

Please, give me one reason why this was in the book. I dare you.


Ninja-type thingies (pg 43)

Excuse me for a moment.


Anyway, the 60 (!) “thingies” attack the flock, and the flock beat them off (!!) with nothing but “bruises, bloody noses, and black eyes” to show for it. (!!!)

Also, this fight scene lasts for about a page and a half, with only a page of that being any actual action. The rest is just “I fought them, and then they died.”


Chapter 9

The flock go to a safe house. That’s really it.

Chapter 10

Max’s mom and Jeb are at the safe house.

“Oh?” I said in a voice that would have made most people pause.

Jeb was used to it, having heard it from me since I was about three years old. (pg 52)

That’s our Max; she’s been impossibly forceful since she was three. A three-year-old who had been tested on and experimented with since the day she was born.


Jeb tells Max about a new school that he wants the flock to go to. Never mind the school from the end of the last book; why would anyone care about continuity? It’s not like this series is written by a single author and that happened in the previous book. And even if it were, retconning is for everyone! Even in barely-plotted “action” books!

Had she [Nudge] forgotten what had happened the other times we’d tried to go to school? It was like, regular usual nightmare, plus homework. (pg 53)

Max, clearly your memory isn’t very good either, because y0u only went to school once.

Max gives a short monologue about how she only trusts herself and Fang, and the chapter ends with her saying no to school.

This book is really boring.

Chapter 11

Max is now flying at night. Since this is Maximum Ride, though, this is told to us through inane snark.

This chapter is mostly just Max’s introspection about their situation. It might be mildly interesting if it weren’t the same sort of thing she’s thought since book, I dunno, two? JPatterson keeps playing with the same theme and never does anything with it.

And then Max gets shot! Yay!

Chapter 12

It was only Max’s wing that was shot. Frowny-face. She doesn’t even hit the ground and die, either; instead there’s a trampoline, surrounded by “thingies.” One of them tells her that “Mr. Chu” wants to see her.

Chapter 13

That chapter was two pages long, less if you remove the half-page chapter numbering. *Sigh*

In this page-long chapter (after chapter numbering and chapter end spaces are removed), Max decides to take a nap, but not before naming the “thingies” M-Geeks. Wonderful.

Chapter 14

Max speaks to Mr. Chu, an apparently Chinese man. He wants the flock to work with him. Max says no. He says “if you keep up with the wisecracks and your stupidity, you will soon be eliminated.” I like Mr. Chu.  Max still says no. He says that the flock will be dead soon, and that his scientists will take them apart.

Chapter 15

Mr. Chu lets Max go.

I normally try to shy away from reaction GIFs, but the emotions I am feeling cannot be expressed with words.


Moving on.

Max recovers from her wing injury (which takes a week, a length I feel is really too short), and the rest of the flock decide that they want to try the school.

Chapter 16

Mysterious voices are talking about the flock, and say that at best, when falling, Fang can reach speeds of 350 miles per hour. I did a bit of searching, and it seems that the record for fastest freefall is 321 MPH. Given that being heavier and denser increases falling speed, and the flock are light and airy, Fang’s 350 MPH speed sounds like utter crap to me. I’ve been over the flock’s impossible horizontal flight speeds before, but now they’re clocking in at 250 MPH. Again, NO.

Apparently, Mr. Chu wants payback against the flock. SO WHY DIDN’T HE KILL MAX???

Chapter 17

Max gives a quick recap, in a numbered list for reasons I can’t fathom. She also continues to be utterly insufferable re: going to school, because apparently being on the run and consistently getting captured is safer than being at school, where the flock only dealt with occasional spats of fights despite having been taken in by a bad  guy.

Ah, Max.

The flock get tested by the school’s… I dunno, principal? She’s not given a proper title. In any case, the flock are apparently not all great readers, despite the fact that they’ve never had trouble reading before. They’re also poor spellers. Really, I find it hard to believe that they never encountered issues with reading, but that’s JPatterson logic for you.

Chapter 18

Max tries to convince Nudge to leave. Nudge is incredibly likeable and gives really good reasons for wanting to stay. Then Nudge says that she wants to be normal and get rid of her wings, and starts crying so Max has to comfort her. Though Max is still generally horrible, this scene is pretty good. And on that note, I’ll end this spork part.


One response »

  1. Besides Fang’s “scientist” girlfriend, Max herself seems to have changing hair colors. Blonde to brown to light brown, etc.

    Ninja-type thingies? What teen talks like that?!? Even Valley Girls are not that stupid! I wish the Ninja Turtles or at least the season 3 Power Rangers with the ninja powers would appear and give the flock a good beat down…

    Now we have our new stupid villain: Fu Dum(b) Chu! He joins a growing list of villains who are too crappy to be accepted as Captain Planet villains but slightly better than Bibleman villains.

    When Max was shot, I can see her crashing into the ground and then lifted by the dog from Duck Hunt.

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