Maximum Ride: MAX Spork Part 7

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Chapter 61

The flock head underwater in scuba gear, apparently to check out some volcanic caves. Don’t ask me why. But Angel isn’t there, and that makes Max angry!

That mouthy six-, I mean seven-year-old–with a will of iron and all the calm reasoning power of your average rabid squirrel. Between that and her occasional bids to become the flock leader, she–was cruisin’ for a bruisin’. (pg 251)

That is possibly the weirdest grammar I’ve ever seen.

And then Max gets lost! Somehow. Like, completely lost, entirely separated from everyone else because nobody noticed her not coming along with them. Suuuure.

Oh, and then Max drops her flashlight and it breaks, which I guess might be possible if it’s a heavy flashlight? But she never says so I don’t know. And then she says she gets attacked by a giant octopus.

Chapter 62

JPatterson’s idea of compelling drama is randomly sending the flock into underwater caves, making Max get lost, and having her be attacked by an octopus.

:/

This chapter is from the perspective of Max’s mom. She’s being tortured with shocks, and her captors want her to sign something and denounce the CSM on video. How anyone would take her seriously when she’s been missing, I don’t know.

And then everything clicks into place and she understands the whole plot that’s going on oh wow!!!!

Chapter 63

Max is being squeezed at by either an octopus or a squid, she doesn’t know, and it pulls off her mask and regulator (for breathing) and oh nooo!!!!

Chapter 64

Suddenly, the octopus or squid is pulled off of Max, and everyone is there and Fang punches it, and Max now has gills.

BECAUSE OF COURSE SHE DOES.

Chapter 65

Gills yay! And then the flock head out of their plot-induced cave journey AND THEN SOMETHING ATTACKS MAX OH NOOOOOO

Honestly, JPatterson, you need to stop with this.

Chapter 66

Max was attacked by a “creature”.

The creatures were bizarrely agile and fast, whipping through the water like snakes or eels. (pg 265)

You know, actually establishing what these things look like might be helpful.

Also, they apparently range in size from cars to airplanes. Which is ridiculous. I mean, these things are attacking by ramming the flock (and John and Dr. Akana, but whatever), so if one of them is the size of a 747 as Max says, a single attack from it should be able to kill them.

Max and Fang attack the creatures underwater with regular moves (last I checked, punching something underwater is incredibly ineffective), freeing everyone else to get up to the surface.

I heard a thin, sharp whistling sound and looked around to see a slim, dark, long thing coming right at us. Not an animal but even more deadly: a torpedo. The navy had arrived. (pg 266)

I CAN’T

I JUST

CAN’T

JPatterson, you are not writing a ridiculous comic book! This is a novel that is at least trying to be taken seriously, but your writing is bat[censored] insane!

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The flock swim up 30 feet as fast as they can, so I assume they’re gonna have the bends when this is over. Then the torpedo hits the creatures, exploding and sending the flock into the air. I can’t find any information on how dangerous torpedoes could be from that range, but I guess a small one might not kill the flock outright? I mean the flock certainly do get damaged from the blast in the book, especially Dr. Akana, but… come on.

Chapter 67

The flock are on a submarine again! And bends-free.

I swear, this book is paced like something crazy.

Max’s only damage is a busted eardrum, while everyone else (aside from Dr. Akana, who was taken away due to her injuries) is fine. Well, I assume so, since Max doesn’t mention them being injured.

Also, Total is not on the sub! YESSSSS

The sub picks up “off-the-scale radiation”, so they turn on the lights.

Chapter 68

There are containers on the ocean floor outside the sub, marked with radioactive symbols and said to be the property of the Chu Corporation.

So, let me get this straight. Mr. Chu dumped radioactive materials underwater and marked them with his name?

Some of the containers are rusted open, and Nudge theorizes that that must be what caused the “creatures” that the flock fought underwater (the radiation, that is). John puts the pieces together:

“The Chu Corporation is dumping illegal radioactive material into the ocean. He created his army of robots to keep it hidden and protected. The CSM was doing a lot of work to bring ocean pollution to everyone’s notice, so we became a threat.” (pg 273)

That sounds extremely silly. It’s probably right.

And then hundreds of the “thingies” are coming towards the sub! OH NO!

I’m gonna cut this spork short on that ridiculous cliffhanger so that next time can be full-length. Come back Wednesday (ish) for the boring conclusion to MAX!

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