Maximum Ride: FANG Spork Part 4

Standard

Chapter 14

I’d suspected the doctor had an agenda–’cause nothing was ever given to us just because we were swell. Now I knew that it was sitting across from me, looking like the cover if People magazine’s Sexiest People issue. (pg 47)

Okay, Max? We get it. Dylan is hot. You don’t have to remind us of this fact every time you mention him.

It’s brought up that Max should “teach” Dylan things. She asks what sort of things, and Dylan asks to see her wings. Apparently this is an answer to her question.

Max shows him her wings and then decides she wants to leave. But before she can…

In a smooth movement, the doctor stepped between me and the tent’s entrance. Reaching into his shirt pocket, he whipped out a syringe. “Just a minute, Max. It’s not that simple.” (pg 49)

Who wants to guess that he isn’t actually threatening her and this was just an attempt at suspense?

Chapter 15

“Max–wait,” Angel said. “He doesn’t mean us harm.(pg 50)

CALLED IT

The doctor injects himself with the syringe, containing a virus, and gets sick before healing rapidly. Max says how that could come in handy.

The doctor smiled. “You’re getting the picture, Max. Because in an apocalypse, there are no doctors. …”

He pulled out a meat cleaver. (pg 52)

HAHAHAHA WHAT

Chapter 16

Before I had a chance to disappear–fast–Dr. Gunther-Hagen had hacked off the tip of his left pinkie finger. (pg 53)

I’m

I don’t think there’s anything I can do but laugh and shake my head.

The doctor puts the now cut-off finger bit against where it was cut off, and it reattaches. Apparently there was no bleeding.

The doctor wants the flock to work with him to prepare for the “coming apocalypse.” What they would be doing is not mentioned, but Max declines anyway.

…This book is really silly.

Chapter 17

Did I ever tell you how much I hate needles? Bad childhood memories. It’s a lab-escapee thing. The meat cleaver was a mere annoyance in comparison. (pg 57)

Okay, let’s look at how Max reacts to the syringe getting pulled out.

I smiled my evil itching-for-a-fight smile, wishing I hadn’t stuffed my pockets with bacon. This could get messy. (pg 50)

Yeah. Max really hates needles. So much that she isn’t even afraid of a needle when it’s pulled out in front of her.

*sigh*

“What did you think about Dylan?” Angel asked.

“Poor sap,” I said briefly, and tried not to think about him too much in case she was in mind-reading mode. (pg 58)

In other news, Angel’s mind reading still has no set rules or consistent portrayal.

They get back to the flock’s tent:

“Listen up,” I said urgently. “It’s time to round up your gear. I’m gonna check in with Patrick, and then we’re getting the flock out of here.” Ha-ha. (pg 59)

…JPatterson, you do realize that you just made Max talk about her  group in the third person to the group for the sake of a cheap joke, right?

*SIGHHHHH*

But, yeah, between the fifty different plot developments JPatterson crammed into as many pages, Max has decided that she wants out of the refugee camp. Their destination is now “home.”

Book Two: Home Is Where The Heart Breaks

I still can’t get over how JPatterson can’t even stay consistent for his book parts. I don’t even have a clue as to why he’d want to name his parts “books.” It makes no sense!

Chapter 18

Less than a week later, Iggy was working his magic in the kitchen, with real groceries that we’d bought from a real grocery store. (pg 63)

…This book’s pacing is going to be even more ridiculous than I thought it would be, isn’t it?

The flock are now in a house that was built by the CSM near where their house in the first book was. Last I checked, 500,000 odd dollars for a house in the mountains isn’t a particularly easy price for a (presumably) non-profit relief charity, but hey, this is the flock! They’re special!

I looked around at my family, the six of us, Total, and now Akila, all sharing a meal together. We were here, far from everyone else. Far from anyone who could hurt Fang. Far from Dylan and Dr. Gummy-Haagen-Dazs. I felt almost like weeping for joy. (pg 65)

Remember in the last book when Max was so against the idea of settling down? I think JPatterson needs a reminder.

Chapter 19

Later in bed, Max reminisces.

They’d [Erasers] attacked us, destroyed our house, and kidnapped Angel. (pg 66)

Um. When did the Erasers destroy the house? I’m… pretty sure that never happened.

The door to Max’s room is opened by an Eraser’s hand, but then turns out to be Fang. Max is rather confused about this. I’m hoping that this will somehow relate to the way Max saw herself as an Eraser in book two, which was promptly forgotten, like most things in this series.

Max and Fang talk a bit about stuff that isn’t important.

Chapter 20

Max presents a plant to the flock: to learn history. She’s all of a sudden rather insecure of the fact that the flock don’t really know anything and have to rely on possibly untrue information from others.

Nudge was staring at me, and now she threw a couch pillow at my head. …

“We’ve had so many chances to go to school!” she wailed. “But noooooo! You always hated school! You didn’t want us to learn stupid boring school stuff!” (pg 71)

I really like Nudge.

Max says it’s different, because her plan relates to using the internet and whatnot to fill in the gaps in their information. Which apparently means they never really sought out information when they were living with Jeb/in that house after he left. (We still don’t know why he left, by the way.) Which makes me wonder where all of Max’s knowledge of random dated pop culture comes from.

A mystery for next week, I guess.

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3 responses »

  1. “…This book is really silly.” You’re being too nice to the book.

    “Um. When did the Erasers destroy the house? I’m… pretty sure that never happened.” They never did. In fact, why don’t they just move back to their old cabin?

    “her plan relates to using the internet” ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_doAV8bx0xg play this as you read the following) I’m sure they’ll become great scholars after studying under such industrious alumni at the schools of 4chan, YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, and Deviant Art. They’ll study the unique forms of English as practiced by the Tourettes Guy and the Angry Videogame Nerd. They’ll learn the best way to meet new associates as taught by Annoying Orange and Fred. They’ll learn effective communication as taught in the unique debates on Facebook. They’ll learn unique world history and science from Ray Comfort and The Flying Spaghetti Monster. And for 20+ dollars, they can order their own special degrees!

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