Maximum Ride: FANG Spork Part 12


Why is this book called FANG, anyway? Is it because he’s the one who’s supposed to die? Because, uh, that’s had absolutely nothing to do with the story so far. It’d make a lot more sense for this book to be called ANGEL, especially since it was her who made that silly prediction.

Chapter 58

We’ve skipped past the flock flying to Hollywood and join them in their hotel. It’s not like seeing Dylan’s perspective as he flies for an extended period for the first time would be important character stuff or anything.

Dylan was doing pretty well at fitting in with the rest of the flock. He wasn’t demanding, and he was a good listener and a good fighter. Angel loved Fang a lot, but Dylan was… easier. Warmer. He talked more. It was almost as if he were made to be with them. (pg 202)

Angel is not very smart.

Before much can happen, Angel’s agents enter the room, and… well…

Angel could almost see dollar signs in their eyes, like in cartoons. (pg 203)

Yeah. They’re the most ridiculous of caricatures. Fortunately, they’re only around for a page before Angel mind controls them into a contract that’s wildly in the flock’s favor.

Are we supposed to like Angel? Like, at all?

Chapter 59

In some obvious foreshadowing, the flock mention feeling tingly and weird, and then they talk to reporters. For some reason JPatterson decided that this was a worthy scene to have in the book, despite the fact that it’s just the flock answering questions we readers already know the answers to. Joy.

Chapter 60

Dylan decides to sing and the others, minus Angel and Total, join in. It’s about as pointless as it sounds. Then they start to get sick and send the reporters away. Iggy mentions that only the genetically engineered members of the flock (so, everyone but Jeb and Akila) are sick, as if it’s somehow at all relevant. Then Angel passes out.

Chapter 61

You know, it’s been a while since I last mentioned it, but JPatterson continues to write Max’s chapters in first person and all the others in third person. Remember back at the start of book one when there was the whole “yeah this is a real story” sort of thing? And then JPatterson started writing chapters from the villains’ perspective.

In any case, this chapter is back to Max and Fang. They’re eating breakfast, and after Fang notes that Max barely slept and isn’t eating as much as normal, she says she’s been thinking about the possibility that Dr. Gunther-Hagen and Angel are in cahoots. Apparently this has killed her appetite? It’s a good theory, though, as it would explain why Angel saw it necessary to boot Max out of the flock, but it doesn’t explain why the rest of the flock would think it was a reasonable idea. So… still a plot hole. Yay.

Then Max decides to call the flock because JPatterson decided the plot required it. She calls Nudge, specifically, because apparently the flock all have cell phones? Which isn’t particularly surprising but it’s weird they haven’t been explicitly mentioned.

Holding my breath, I dialed Nudge’s number. If she hung up on me or told me not to call anymore, it would be very hard. (pg 215)

No, really?

Nudge is happy when Max calls, though, and asks where Max is.

That was weird. She knew I wouldn’t say anything over the phone. (pg 215)

Max, if someone is able to tap into your call, they can probably trace your phone.

Nudge says that the flock got sick and then got better, and are now going to a party, then hangs up, and Max and Fang decide that it’s a trap. They just say “yeah, trap.” So… either they think this party is a trap, or they think this is somehow a trap for Max and Fang? That… uh… doesn’t make any sense.

Chapter 62

The flock arrive at a fancy restaurant, which is quite crowded due to their being there. It also seems that it’s the location of a party for the flock, but the whole thing is kinda vaguely described.

“Get me out of here,” said Iggy, whose superior sensory skills normally made him comfortable weaving his way through any scene of chaos. “This is giving me the willies.” (pg 218)

Okay, um, JPatterson? That random bit of exposition has nothing to do with what Iggy was saying. Please try to link together things that are actually related when you write. Thanks.

The flock mingle, Dylan’s attractiveness gets mentioned about a thousand times, etc. etc. until Angel notices that Dylan’s skin is pale and clammy. Apparently this is strange because he “always looked perfect.” Then Angel looks at her hands and screams! OH NO! Though I’m more concerned with how Nudge’s five words of dialogue about the flock getting sick is all we got about that. Angel passes out and it’s a cliffhanger and then it gets ignored?

Chapter 63

Vague, mysterious people are examining subjects that have boils all over, that seem to be the flock. Apparently these boils are being caused by the chemical Dr. Gunther-Hagen put in the water, but weren’t supposed to; the chemical was tested on Dylan when he was six months old and didn’t do this. So… is it time for some fail-science on JPatterson’s part?

Chapter 64

Max and Fang have apparently decided to go after the flock in LA because [plot]. They arrive and just happen to see a sign on top of the restaurant the flock are at proclaiming that the flock are there. The crowd inside begins to rush out as Max and Fang get near, and upon meeting bouncers that don’t want to let them in, they somehow manage to get into the air to fly over them. Which makes no sense but that’s just par for the course.

They get inside, where it seems to already be empty since Max is easily able to find the flock. A few people with guns approach the flock and Dylan takes one of them down, apparently using his ability to see things coming (gee, that’s not an overpowered ability) combined with his inexplicable combat training. Max also takes one down, and Angel picks up his fallen gun. Max spends a couple of really awkward paragraphs feeling tragic over Angel picking up a gun because oh no we don’t use guns my sweet babby is a murderer!!!! before getting on with things and telling us that Angel points the gun at her.

Well… JPatterson successfully made me confused and curious. That’s something, I guess.


One response »

  1. Interesting points I found courtesy of tvtropes:

    “What happened to Itex?

    The implication at the end of the third book was that the German police stopped the riot and arrested everyone. If so, that just raises even more questions, like how a company is apparently powerful enough to sponsor massive numbers of unethical and illegal tests, organize killings and kidnappings, and arrange to eliminate one half of the world’s population, and can’t wiggle out of charges by the cops.
    I’m going with my head canon that, in actuality, Itex was on the brink of falling apart by itself and holding on by the tips of it’s metaphorical fingers with one hand not knowing what the other was doing, but the Flock never knew. The By Half Plan never existed (As we never hear anything about how it works, this seems plausible) and the name and idea was merely put there to keep the completely-insane and mercy-kill worthy Director happy, the Flock and the other experiments were created Aperture Science-style as last-gasp money grabbers and nothing else, and after the police came in the whole company simply imploded and was absorbed by its hungry competitors.” -That is a good point, but since this is patterson, I doubt he ever thought further.

    “What happened to Anne Walker and Marian Janssen? I’m biased since they’re two of my favorite characters, but seriously, where are they? Anne disappears halfway through book 3 and we don’t see what happens to Marian after Max and Nudge save her.” -Good question, whatever happened to those two?

    “About Iggy’s parents, it’s stated multiple times that he was kidnapped in the hospital, but once the father says that he was taken from their home. That’s probably a error in the continuity, this is a more headscratchers question: If they were able to look him over enough to realize he had a birthmark in a specific place (near his hip or some other place where it wouldn’t really be obvious if I remember right), how did they not notice wings coming out of his back? Max even stated that when Angel was a baby she had “Weird little chicken wings”, so they have them when they’re young.

    You’re right that this is extremely weird, even given the premise of the story. For instance, in The Angel Experiment, Max is convinced that she is a test-tube baby. While it’s true that she can still have parents who donated an egg and sperm, the likelihood of the bird kids having been live babies carried to term by their human mothers is slim in this respect—because they were born with wings. Either at least the mother would have to be compliant to the plan—Jeb stated that he and Dr. Martinez agreed to donate their genetic material to create Max—with full knowledge of the results, or Itex would have to be doing some seriously wonky stuff to pregnant ladies. (In what is generally considered to be the beta idea for the Maximum Ride series, When the Wind Blows/The Lake House, pregnant women have their fetuses modified in utero without their knowledge, and then the doctors in control tell them they have miscarried when they deliver the baby.) This troper cannot realistically see a bird baby being born non-bird and then later having their DNA modified while they are fully-formed.” -How their powers develop will never be explained, just conveniences to the plot.

    “Where are the powers coming from? Not only does it make no genetic sense for the flock to be mutating fast enough to get random powers throughout the series (without, you know, growing extra arms and the like), but it makes even less sense to program super-speed, magnetism, mind reading, ect. into the human body without rewritting the laws of physics.” -Not to mention that they are supposed to be simply bird kids.

    Adding further, while I did say that Bibleman is the worst superhero of all time, at least the villains can be entertaining (if one is drunk/high). The villains in Max are, without a doubt in my mind, the absolute worst villains and they only succeed because most everyone else in that universe is a complete moron. If put into any other universe, they would be f@cked.

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