Monthly Archives: October 2013



As I said in the last spork, I was planning on finishing FANG today so that I’d be done before the month-long break in November for NaNowriMo. However, I’ve just recovered from being sick, and while I would normally be up for doing the spork, all the coughing has left me with a lot of chest pain and I just can’t do it. Sorry! :/


Weekly Haiku 31


Still Sick

So much is waiting,

But I sit, too tired to move;

The day trickles by.


Alone in my bed

I echo the day’s events,

Each mistake laid bare.


On the roof we lay,

Staring up at starry depths;

A quiet moon rises.



Dead leaves stain the ground;

A cool breeze carries autumn

Like a gentle sigh.

Another Quick Update


Well, it turns out I was lying when I said there would be haiku yesterday. Long story short I woke up sick at like four thirty Tuesday which really slowed me down on a time sensitive thing I had to get done.

Anyway, barring any unforeseen catastrophes, haiku will return next Monday. Apologies for the delay.

Quick Update


Just a quick note to say that I’ve changed my visible name from NekoShogun to Michael Vest (my real name).

Also, I want to apologize for the lack of haiku last week; life’s been a little busy for me lately. I should have a post up Tuesday, though probably not the full five.

Maximum Ride: FANG Spork Part 13


There won’t be a spork next week because of stuff going on in my life. Thank god for that because this book is slowly destroying me.

Chapter 65

So, Angel has a gun pointed at Max and she tells everybody not to move until she says to.

The scary thing was, she didn’t look like a child anymore. She looked very, very focused. (pg 227)

“How old are you?”

“Oh, I’m focused, but I’ll be determined next August.”

Angel tells the three gunpeople, one holding Jeb, the other two held by the flock, that if they don’t leave she’ll kill Max. I mean, it’s not like she has mind control or anything.

The gunpeople say that they think Angel is bluffing, and the flock chime in about how she’s weird and unpredictable and wants Max gone and I guess they must be good actors (heaven forbid if they’re not good at everything) because the gunpeople start to leave, albeit looking strange and emotionless. (Which would imply mind control on Angel’s part, but if she were using mind control, there’d be no reason to threaten Max, so… ??????) The last one, however, shoots Jeb because Angel only told him not to hurt the bird kids! Ha ha! That’s not ridiculously contrived at all!

Chapter 66

Oh no, Jeb got shot! I wonder what Max thinks about this?

If he died, I would have some major soul-searching to do. (pg 231)

And that’s pretty much all she has to say about it. No explanation of what that soul-searching would be about, or why Jeb dying would cause it, or anything to actually make this random dramatic line anything other than a random dramatic line popped in because DRAMA!!!!

Max is at the hospital, where Jeb “looks like he’ll be fine.” I’m so glad that plot twist was relevant to the story! I don’t at all think JPatterson is just throwing in random crap!

The flock are also there, under observation because of the weird stuff going on with their skin.

Even with his [Dylan’s] messed up skin, he still looked like he’d been designed by Gods R Us. Except right now it was Trolls R Us. But, like, a troll who would totally be a pinup in all the troll teen magazines. (pg 232)

“Yeah, my family have some mysterious ailment and my father figure just got shot, but OMG DYLAN IS SO HOTT!!!!!”

Max’s mom speculates about what caused the flock’s messed up skin when Jeb walks in, looking “pale and weak” but otherwise normal after just being shot. And I guess he’s just got free reign of the hospital with nobody to keep him in his bed? What a great hospital.

Jeb says that he thinks the flock were given a genetic accelerator that’s affecting their mutations and “introducing new mutations.” He thinks that the flock’s current state is just temporary. Nobody seems to wonder why he believes this to be the case, instead theorizing about who could have done it: Dr. Gunther-Hagen. Jeb suggests they ask him about it.

The idea of contacting the doc for help was totally crazy to me. Excuse me, but hadn’t Jeb just been shot by one of the man’s employees? (pg 236)

Uh… I don’t think you have any way of knowing if those people were with Dr. Gunther-Hagen, Max. Or did you get mind-reading powers and not tell us about it? That would explain all your random moments of omniscience.

I had only one real desire right then: to go back to Colorado and drink the water. If my flock was going through this, I needed to go through it too. (pg 236)

…Max? Are you okay?

Book Four: The Totally, Completely Unthinkable

Well that’s not melodramatic.

Chapter 67

The flock slowly recover in a safehouse provided by the CSM, and after a couple of days the skin stuff is pretty much gone. On the same day they’re pretty much recovered, Angel disappears, leaving a note saying that she believes in Dr. Gunther-Hagen. She also brings back up her prophecy about Fang dying, saying that his time is nearly up and that he’s putting the rest of the flock in danger. So, you know, the same bizarro junk that’s par for the course with Angel in this book.

Chapter 68

Max spends a page looking at Fang’s neck to see if he has an expiration date like the Erasers did, but there’s nothing. What a twist!

Dylan then asks if he has an expiration date.

“I don’t know,” I said. “You were made by different people, I think.” (pg 244)

What, Max, you “think”? Haven’t you asked anyone? Really, why wasn’t that the first question out of your mouth when you were introduced to Dylan? It’s extremely relevant information!

Max spends another page checking Dylan’s neck. Basically, this chapter is entirely pointless.

Chapter 69

Max wonders where Dr. Gunther-Hagen might be and Nudge heads to the computer to use her magical skills. While she does that, Fang says he wants to come with Max to go after Angel, but Max says no because she wants him to stay safe. It’s a moment that might actually warrant a bit of melodrama and some pondering on Max’s state of mind, but JPatterson has terrible priorities when it comes to what to write about. The flock go to a museum? Fifteen pages! Max is worried about Fang and so she wants him to stay in a safehouse? A couple of paragraphs, no big.

“Um, I found an address in Malibu, weirdly enough,” said Nudge. (pg 246)

You found “an address”? What kind of address? Is it his home? A workplace? Details happen to be relevant in this case, Nudge! But no, more important to Max is that Malibu is “practically next door.” How convenient.

Chapter 70

We’re with Dr. Gunther-Hagen and Angel in this chapter, who are expecting Max. Apparently Gunther-Hagen thought it would “take longer for her to find this house.” Angel says that they’re “totally on top of the research” because of their computer, from “the CIA or the NSA or something”. Which… what? Is she talking about the Itex computer JPatterson retconned in in the third book that’s not been mentioned since?

But there’s no time for that, because after Dr. Gunther-Hagen walks away for some reason, Angel is being self-satisfied because her plan is reaching the endgame! Ooo! How dramatic! I’m totally intrigued to find out what happens next!

(Sort of) Weekly Haiku 30


Peaceful Sky

Warm light, long shadows;

Dark, distant clouds on the edge

Of a peaceful sky.


Suburban soundtrack;

Menagerie of noise fused

In toneless song.


Hot, wet oasis

Amidst winter’s arid chill;

Shower wash me warm.


A gray sky rumbles;

Crows feast on the offered seed

And squawk prophecy.


Spark of red bobbing

In a canopy of green;

A bird, house hunting.

All haiku copyright © 2013 by Michael Vest